Russia Looking For Ideas On Who to Hack Next

fbThe Democratic National Committee has been hacked. Colin Powell has been hacked. The NSA has been hacked. The American Olympic Committee has been hacked. So many opportunities. So many directions. When you can get into any email you want, whose email do you get into next?

That’s the question Russia’s state-supported hackers have been asking themselves and now they want to get your input.

In a first for Russia’s hackers, they’ve put out a call on their Facebook page to get ideas from you on whose lives they should turn upside down next. “Tom Brady? Beyonce? Barbra Streisand? It’s just so hard to know,” said the group, which calls itself Анонимный, or “anonymous” in Russian. “It’s impossible to keep up with who’s trending. “Drake is big. But you already know what his emails are going to say. There has to be a surprise factor. Plus, he’s Canadian.”
mk The group says not to bother suggesting Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama, because they’re already in the pipeline. “Spoiler alert!” they said. “Expect some big news on them a few days before the election. But in the meantime, we have news holes to fill!”

Don’t bother suggesting Donald Trump, either, all you Hillary fans, the group says. They already have orders “from the top” to leave the “next president of the United States” alone. However, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is okay, because he’s not particularly liked in the Kremlin. “Putin doesn’t like his big mouth and he likes his big stomach even less!”

The group asks you to post your thoughts on its Facebook page. “Remember: don’t be obvious. Think outside the box. We can think of the obvious ones ourselves!”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): pd, tnn (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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