Scandal: Hillary Hacks Hamilton Hairstyle!

HRC2pwDid Crooked Hillary hack the hairstyle of Alexander Hamilton and other Founding Fathers by rocking a wavy, pewter-white-colored hair style at her July 28 acceptance speech for the Democratic presidential nomination? A group of hairstylists says she did just that and it’s calling the candidate out on it.

“As professional hairstylists in the United States, we are concerned that Hillary Clinton is not being upfront about the message she intended to convey at a moment when millions of Americans were watching her,” says the group, the American Association of Hairstylists. “We believe she intended to convey the look of the powdered wigs of our our country’s Founding Fathers by coloring her hair a pewter-white and feathering the sides. We find this action presumptuous and disingenuous, and we ask the candidate to be upfront with the American people about this deception, if that in fact is what it is.”

HRC1The groups says the 2016 election is already shaping up to be the most troubling from the standpoint of hairstyles because of the combover of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, which the group says is an affront to widely accepted hairstyle standards. “Not only is Donald Trump’s combover trying to conceal a truth—that he has a bald spot on the top of his head—but it’s poorly designed and executed. No professional hairstylist who adheres to our industry’s Code of Professional Standards can support the Republican nominee as he currently wears his hair.”

The group says it’s now concerned it will have to recommend against supporting Hillary Clinton unless she comes clean about her hair. “Hillary Clinton is a blonde,” the group says. “Her hair is not white. It is not pewter grey. Until our candidates for president show respect to the American people by styling their hair in a way that reflects their true selves, we as an organization will have to recommend to our members that they support neither of the major party candidates.”

The group says it wishes U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry would run again, because he has “really good hair.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) tnn (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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