Voter: ‘If Trump Keep Being Boring, I Ain’t Gonna Vote For Him’

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Photographic_silhouettes_of_people#/media/File:Contre-jour_talk.jpg

Voter: Not happy

A voter says he’s not going to vote for Donald Trump for president if he doesn’t start making news the way he used to.

“I hear about these big-time advisers telling him to act presidential, and that’s just stupid,” says Scott (“Scotty”) McDowell, a voter in Wheeling, W.Va. “If I wanted some boring politician for president I’d have voted for John Kasich or Scott Walker. If you go and turn Trump into one of those guys, you’re gonna get the same result: Yawn. If he ain’t tying the media a-holes’knickers in a knot, he ain’t doing his job.”

Katich is the governor of Ohio, and Walker is the governor of Wisconsin. Both

Voter: Big yawn

Voter: Big yawn

men withdrew from the Republican primary contests after generating mixed results at the polls.

ae

Good middle finger

McDowell pointed to Trump’s reported vice presidential choice, Indiana Governor Mike Pence, as an example of everything Trump is doing wrong these days. “Maybe this guy Pence checks off all the boxes—on gays, guns, and god—but unless he’s doing it with his middle finger, who the hell cares?” he says.

McDowell held out hope Trump would surprise everyone by naming someone unexpected when he makes his running-mate announcement in the next day or two. “Let’s see his daughter on the ticket,” he said. “Ivanka would be good. Tom Brady would be good. Or Tim Tebow. Or Ted Nugent. Or Ann Coulter. Those are good middle fingers to the elites.

“Dammit, were not voting for someone to do the right thing,” he went on. “We’re voting a middle finger. Don’t give me some stupid politician who wants to wreck my life with his Wall Street policies; give me an FU candidate who wants to wreck my life with his Wall Street policies. My life’s gonna be wrecked wither way. I want to go down with a good FU!”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) gs, ae (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

More stories:

Poll: Trump Losing Support of Poorly Educated Americans

peaPoorly educated Americans, long thought to be firm backers of Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump after he said how much he loved them in Nevada earlier this year, are moving in increasing numbers to the candidacy of his Democratic rival, Hillary Clinton, a Marist poll released today shows. Fifty-three percent of poorly educated Americans say they will vote for Hillary Clinton and her vice presidential running mate, Tim Kaine, compared to 41 percent who say they’ll vote for Trump and Indiana Governor Mike Pence, his vice presidential candidate. The remaining six percent are either undecided or were unable to read the poll question. “Hillary Clinton is undoubtedly enjoying a post-convention bounce with the poorly educated,” says Steven Decker, director of quantitative analysis for the widely watch Marist poll. Last quarter, the poorly educated sided with Trump, 55 percent to 39 percent. More.

Likely Trump VP Pick Mike Pence Says His Nickname Isn’t ‘Cuddles’

gs

Indiana Governor Mike Pence, an increasingly likely pick of Donald Trump to be the presumptive Republican nominee’s vice presidential running mate, calls rumors untrue that his nickname is Cuddles. “I am not known by, and would not answer to, the name Cuddles,” Pence said in a statement he released this morning. The nickname surfaced two days ago, when his wife, Karen, was heard on an open microphone calling him that before he gave a speech in Indianapolis supporting Trump.  “Cuddles, did you remember to go potty before you got up here?” his wife was heard asking him. “You know what happens when you don’t go potty before you speak. You rush through your lines.” More.

Gingrich Promises to Stick With Wife No. 3 If He’s Trump’s Vice President

gs

ATLANTA—Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich says he won’t leave his wife and marry for a fourth time if he’s chosen to be Donald Trump’s vice presidential running mate. “I know voters are wondering if I’m going to stay married to Callista, my current wife, given my history of marrying women I’ve had affairs with, but I want to reassure the American people that I’m sticking with my current wife,” Gingrich said at a press conference this morning. The former Georgia congressman has a checkered history when it comes to marriage. He married Jackie Battley in 1962, when he was 19 and she was 26. Unsubstantiated news reports claim Gingrich pressed her to sign divorce papers while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery in 1981. Whether the stories are true or not, Gingrich has admitted that he was having an affair at the time with Marianne Ginther, whom he later married and then divorced, in 2000, when he was having an affair with Callista Bisek, a congressional aide. More.

Gingrich: ‘Having Won Two States in 2012, I Would Add a Lot of the Trump Ticket

gs

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich says he can help Donald Trump win the presidency if he’s selected as his vice presidential running mate because he’s a proven vote-getter who won his home state of Georgia and neighboring South Carolina in the 2012 Republican presidential primaries. “If you need any evidence that I can bring in the votes, just look to the two states I won in the 2012 race,” Gingrich said this morning on CNN. “There are 50 states and several territories that hold primaries and caucuses and I won two of them. Let me repeat that. In two states, I got the most votes, including my home state of Georgia. Can I add firepower to a Trump-Gingrich ticket? I think my 2012 performance should end any doubts that I can.” More. 

Aide: ‘Acting Presidential Will Kill the Trump Campaign’

mn

A high-ranking staff aide to Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump says the candidate and his advisors have talked multiple times about him acting presidential on the campaign trail, but they know if he does, the millions of angry white Americans who support him will be disappointed and either back another candidate or not vote. “This is topic number one in our meetings,” says the aide, who asked not to be identified so he could speak candidly about internal deliberations. “We have guys who are adamant that Trump learn the issues, get familiar with the complexities of the world and also behave like a normal candidate at his rallies. Then we have others who say he should absolutely not do that. Right now, the ‘don’t act presidential’ camp is winning.” More.

Trump Releases Election Manifesto, ‘Contract With Myself’

ghTaking a page from the 1994 congressional elections that swept Republicans into power in the House for the first time in 40 years, Donald Trump unveiled a campaign manifesto called “Contract With Myself” to detail the administrative changes he will make upon his first day in office and the legislative changes he’ll seek from Congress in his first 100 days. “As the only person who can make America great again, I propose fantastic changes to how we govern this once great country,” the preamble to the manifesto reads. “Upon my first day in office, I will sign directives to make the following five reforms: First, remame the White House the Trump White House. Second, replace the Rose Garden with a 6-hole golf course, called Trump White House Greens. More.

Johnson-Weld Libertarian ticket: ‘We’re committed to ensuring the major party candidate you want to lose will win’

gs
Gary Johnson and William Weld, the freshly minted Libertarian party team for the 2016 presidential election, hit the campaign trail today with a message of individual liberty and a promise to put in the White House the major party candidate you don’t want to win. “We know if you’re a Hillary Clinton backer you’ll be happy to know our presence in the race all but ensures Donald Trump will win the presidency,” said Johnson, a former two-term governor of New Mexico and the 2012 Libertarian party candidate for president. “And if you’re a Donald Trump supporter, we know we’ll get just enough votes to ensure Hillary Clinton wins the race.” Third-party campaigns have a way of playing spoiler in presidential politics. More.

Publisher Promises Objectivity In Its Criticism of Hillary

nmsNEW YORK CITY—Dan Peeker, publisher of the National Midnight Star, said at a journalism conference here yesterday he won’t let his friendship with Donald Trump bias his coverage of the general election between Trump and Hillary Clinton. “Hillary’s dishonesty makes her a tempting target, but I can assure you all the stories we’ve pre-written about her flaws are objective,” says Peeker, 63. Peeker has been chairman and CEO of U.S. A. Publications, which owns the National Midnight Star, since 1990, and critics say he’s using his publication as a tool to help his golf buddy win the presidency. It was his tabloid that broke the April 3 story of Ted Cruz’s affairs with five prominent Republican political women, which hurt the Texas senator in Wisconsin, and it broke the April 19 piece about . . . More.

Woman Says She’s Trump’s Daughter; Seeks White House Bedroom

nwrIn a sensational claim, the supermarket tabloid Weekly National Report says a 50-year-old woman in Fayetteville, Ark., Dannielle Eggles, is the daughter of presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump and she’s demanding a “White House bedroom” for her and her husband if he is elected president. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I feel I must come forward because it’s time for my daddy to stop pretending I don’t exist,” Eggles said at a press conference in Fayetteville yesterday. Eggles, a clerk at Target, said she had resigned herself to living in the shadow of her famous father and her glamorous half brothers and sisters, but six months ago she and her husband, Ron Eggles, decided she could no longer do that. “We just thought it wasnt fair that Ivanka, Tiffany, Eric, Donald, Jr., and Barron all get to live the high life while we have to scrape our fingers to the bone just because daddy pretends I don’t exist.” More.

Clinton to Name Jerry Brown V.P. Pick; ‘He Can Step In After H.C. Indicted’

HCJBSACRAMENTO, Calif.–Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton today named California Gov. Jerry Brown her vice presidential running mate, saying the four-term governor has the experience and stature to take over as the presidential nominee after the FBI indicts her for using a personal email account to send and receive classified information while she was the U.S. secretary of state. “No one in the Democratic party today has the breadth and depth of experience that Jerry Brown has,” said Clinton, who spoke in a joint news conference with Brown after the two met for several hours in the state house here. “That will be important, because I’m expected to be indicted in about four weeks. More.

 

Advertisements