Trump VP Pick Mike Pence Says His Nickname Isn’t ‘Cuddles’

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Tough guy?

Indiana Governor Mike Pence, Donald Trump’s pick to be the Republican nominee’s vice presidential running mate, calls rumors untrue that his nickname is Cuddles. “I am not known by, and would not answer to, the name Cuddles,” Pence said in a statement he released this morning.

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‘Did you go potty?’

The nickname surfaced two days ago, when his wife, Karen, was heard on an open microphone calling him that before he gave a speech in Indianapolis supporting Trump.  “Cuddles, did you remember to go potty before you got up here?” his wife was heard asking him. “You know what happens when you don’t go potty before you speak. You rush through your lines.”

“I’m fine,” Pence was overheard replying. “I went back at the office.”

“But that was more than an hour ago,” his wife was heard saying.

“I only had one cup of coffee,” Pence replied.

“But those polyps the doctor found,” his wife said. “You know how they make your bladder feel full.”

“Honey, I’ll go potty after I speak. I promise,” he said.

“Did you eat the sandwich I made you?” his wife asked.

“I . . . I’m saving it for tomorrow.”

Pence, a former congressman who chaired the House Republican Conference in 2010, is known as a strict conservative who favors rigid limits on how much the federal government can spend, tight controls on immigration, and using military power aggressively to pursue American interests. On social issues, he opposes same-sex marriage, gays in the military, and abortion. He’s a staunch gun-rights advocate. His campaign staff says he won’t have to make any campaign appearances with his wife as long as he goes potty before he speaks.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) gs (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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Trump will keep us safe?

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