Trump Denies Changing Combover as Clinton Gains in Popularity

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‘Nothing’s different’

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump says he hasn’t started arranging his combover in a different way to reflect the surge in popularity of Hillary Clinton now that she has amassed enough delegates to be his Democratic opponent in the general election this fall.

“Crooked Hillary will be in jail before she’s the Democratic nominee, so I can assure you I haven’t changed anything about my hair,” Trump said at a campaign stop in San Diego this morning. “I’ve been combing it the same way since I was 30 years old. And you know why? Because it’s perfect the way it is. Even the Mexicans love it. They wish they could have my hair. And maybe they can someday, if they behave themselves.”

Christophe Sapin, a hairstylist in Washington whose clients include U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, says Trump has clearly changed the way he arranges his combover and he advised the mogul-turned-politician to come clean about it.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed about wanting to look good campaigning,” he said. “The Hillary look is becoming on you. It’s more natural, gives your hair more bounce, and I think it will help you with the women. And it’s a bit metrosexual, so I think It will help you with the gays.”

Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson says America already loves his hair. “Its obvious,” she said. “People can’t stop talking about it.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photo: gs (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of image.

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Clinton Cough Watch: ‘Are Sneezes Next?’ Asks Hannity

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commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Angelica_Rivera.jpgRepublican presidential nominee Donald Trump, fresh from his dramatic trip to Mexico to discuss immigration policy, said he would allow Angélica Rivera, the wife of Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto, into the country if she wants to come. “We would make an exception for her, absolutely, and I told her that when I was in Mexico,” Trump said at a campaign stop in Albuquerque, N.M. “I told her I’ll have a car ready for her anytime she wants to come. She has my number. She said she’d like to see Trump Tower. I said I’d like to show it to her.” Rivera, 47, an actress and model before she became Mexico’s First Lady, was born in Mexico City. She has been married to Peña Nieto since 2010. Trump’s trip to Mexico has generated a considerable amount of analysis. In Mexico, he appeared to take a conciliatory approach to the country, but that appeared to change in a major address he gave in Phoenix that night. More.

How Weiner’s Sexting Proves Huma Is a Spy and Their Marriage Is a Front

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Trump Reportedly Endorsed by American Association of Conspiracy Theorists

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Rush Limbaugh to Glenn Beck: ‘You Don’t Exist to Me Anymore’

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David Hume to Donald Trump: ‘I was only kidding about preferring the destruction of the world to the scratching of my finger’

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The brilliant Scottish philosopher David Hume, whose Treatise of Human Nature in 1739 turned the world of moral philosophy upside down and spurred Immanuel Kant to write his momentous critical philosophy in response, arose from the dead today to tell Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump that he was only kidding when he said it’s perfectly reasonable for someone to prefer the destruction of the world to the scratching of one’s finger “Donald, when I wrote my Treatise I was only 23 years old and was a little full of myself at the time,” said Hume, who died in 1776 at the age of 65. “It was my view, as a brash young man looking to make a name for himself, that reason is the slave of emotions and our moral views are based on our passions, not on our reason. That’s why I said—I’m not sure of the exact words, but it was something like, ‘It is not contrary to reason to prefer the destruction of the whole world to the scratching of my finger.’ More.

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And you can too

The combover of Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump has been storing tens of millions of dollars in offshore bank accounts in Panama since 2006 in an alleged effort to avoid http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001D1FUL4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B001D1FUL4&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=LPSFSMJ6ZICVYP7Ppaying federal taxes, a report on the so-called Panama Papers by the International Coalition of Investigative Journalists claims. “Working under the name ‘Andre Smooth,’ the combover of Donald Trump has diverted between $4 million and $7 million each year since 2006 in a Panama-based holding company, Smooth, LLC, that otherwise claims no assets,” says the report, released yesterday as part of a rising tide of disclosures coming out of the investigation of some 11.5 million documents leaked from the Panamanian law firm Mossack Fonseca. More.

Parliament Votes to Allow Trump’s Combover Into Britain, But Not Trump

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LONDON—After a raucous parliamentary debate, members of http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B011S6ET2Y/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B011S6ET2Y&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=SBEOS66PH3OZNJE4the House of Commons voted to allow the combover of Donald Trump into Great Britain, should he be elected president of the United States, but Trump himself was not welcome. “We do not want to hold Donald Trump’s bigotry and nativism against his hair,” said Gavin Blair, an MP from the southwest district of London. Nigel Robinson, an MP from Birmingham, argued that the hair should be banned as well, but his argument left many unconvinced. “I made my case and I lost, and I accept that,” he said. “But I do believe his hair should not be allowed to get off scot free in this debate. My apologies to the Scots, who I hope won’t try to secede again.” More.

Trump Combover Refuses to Back Eventual Republican Nominee

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Defying the Republican party establishment and even the http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00UUS8PH2/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00UUS8PH2&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=XZX23RCJZCOCYV47person on whose head it sits, the combover of Republican presidential nomination frontrunner emphatically refused to give a blanket endorsement to whomever the party nominee turns out to be. “Unless the Republican presidential nominee in 2016 is someone I respect and trust with the awesome duties of the office of the president of the United States, I cannot sit here today on this head and say I will back the person who is ultimately nominated,” the combover said in a statement issued by a spokesperson. That position goes against the position of Donald Trump, the man on whose head the combover has sat for decades and who earlier this week promised to back the eventual Republican nominee. More.

Trump Combover Called ‘Perv’ for Sending Salacious Tweets

pd File:Donald_Trump_2_April_2015.jpg File:Anthonyweiner.jpgThe closely watched combover of Donald Trump has been sendinghttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00JX0DLB8/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00JX0DLB8&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=RZMM56WU6B2SQ2L4 sexually suggestive tweets and photos to several of its Twitter followers, federal investigators allege. If true, that could imperil the Republican presidential nomination frontrunner’s candidacy, analysts say. Jerome Casing, chief of social media security at the FBI’s Criminal, Cyber, Response, and Services Branch, says his team has been tracking the combover since April, when it received a tip from one of the hair’s followers that it has been embedding unwanted photos in innuendo-laden tweets. “All I can say is, we’re talking to the combover of Mr. Trump at this time about matters concerning communications on the Internet,” says Casing. “Beyond that we have no comment.” More.

X-Ray Analysis Exposes O’Donnell Tattoo Under Trump’s Combover

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Why does Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump http://www.amazon.com/Womens-Green-Timber-Triangle-Swimsuit/dp/B010KHE18E/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&dpID=41ZUTae8qOL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL200_SR133%2C200_&refRID=0KM1EHZTVDKPZCJPRYBD&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=2808ae72d1dd6f55c33cbc2a00b4a416maintain an elaborate combover rather than embrace his receding hairline? Investigators have provided a possible answer to that question by conducting an x-ray analysis of his forehead and revealing a tattooed image of long-time Trump nemesis Rosie O’Donnell, the TV personality and liberal political activist whom Trump has called “fat” and a “pig.” “This is truly an unexpected finding,” says Albert Sherzberg, professor of macro x-ray fluorescence spectroscopy at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who led the research effort. “I think I speak for many when I say I did not expect to find a tattoo of Rosie O’Donnell under Trump’s combover.” More.

Exclusive: Megyn Kelly Poster Seen in Room of Trump’s Combover

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An explosive photo leaked by the Associated Press today shows ahttp://www.amazon.com/Womens-Juniors-Bikini-Thong-Swimwear/dp/B00VTM6IXG/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&dpID=41GSRSd8nQL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL200_SR133%2C200_&refRID=1BQZWFSHAPXSJ29YDTE6&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=b821c3f89fe51a2aa84d54122533a0ba poster of Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly in the bedroom of the iconic combover of Republican presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump. The poster depicts Kelly, the veteran TV journalist who sparred with Trump during the first Republican nomination debate last month in Cleveland over the real estate mogul’s treatment of women, framed in images of butterflies and love hearts. She is fully clothed. Since the debate, Kelly and Trump have been locked in a contentious public relations battle over their testy exchange, during which Trump had admitted calling TV host and political activist Rosie McDonnell “fat” and a “pig.” More.

Scientists Discover Formula for Trump’s Combover

mv File:Trump_SQ.pngScientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004KAULMS/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B004KAULMS&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=HZ6BKNH3537ZLT4Yreleased a paper yesterday cracking the physics behind the combover of Republican presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump and say the famous hairstyle stands as one of the most complex creations of mankind. “An amazing piece of work, a testament to the beauty of complex systems and of the world around us,” says Reynolds Aimsworth, professor of physics and mathematics at MIT and the lead author of the paper. Aimsworth says the combover is based on an inversion of a positive tangent-secant radian, something scientists didn’t believe was possible.” More.

Trump’s Combover in Torrid Affair with Rosie O’Donnell

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The famous combover of Republican presidential nomination http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0012JUJAY/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0012JUJAY&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=DCYMIUYX2U6HXP25front-runner Donald Trump has been having an affair with lesbian comedian and activist Rosie O’Donnell and continues to meet with the TV personality on a weekly basis, investigators say. “We can confirm that regular meetings between the combover and the comedian are occurring and have been occurring for several years,” says David Rosten, an attorney who has been retained by Fox News to look into allegations of the affair. Donald Trump is married, although his combover is not. Roger Stone, a long-time associate of Trump who is now working independently of the candidate, says he’s also looked into the affair and is seeking media outlets to discuss his findings because American voters have a right to know about this important allegation. More.

Trump’s Combover Credited With Saving Life in Iraq

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The combover of 2016 Republican presidential nominee contenderhttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IWK8K48/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00IWK8K48&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=G5VL3HSLBUHRTJ4W Donald Trump is being hailed as a war hero for saving an injured soldier during the Iraq war. “There’s a very real chance that Private Benjamin Carter, a gunnery specialist with the 1st Battalion 7th Marines that helped librate Baghdad in 2003, would not be here today if it weren’t for the comb-over of Donald Trump,” says Major Bill Nelson of the U.S. Marine Corps. “People today throw around the word ‘hero’ loosely. But I can say without qualification that Trump’s combover is indeed a true Amercan hero.” The comb-over, which has been part of Trump’s head since he started losing his hair in the late 1990s, was on tour in Iraq with the 1st Battalion 7th Marines as a private contractor. More.

Trump’s Combover in U.S. Illegally, Agency Alleges

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The iconic combover of real estate billionaire and 2016 presidential http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00KINEQ1S/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00KINEQ1S&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=KVHNUXTNINKFPGUDaspirant Donald Trump is under investigation by U.S. immigration authorities on suspicion of being in the United States illegally. “We can only confirm that the combover of Donald Trump is a thing of interest to the United States concerning its immigration status and beyond that we have no comment,” John Goodman, director of fraud detection and national security for the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), says in statement released by the agency today. April Sayers, a spokesperson for Trump, calls the allegation ridiculous. “Mr. Trump eagerly awaits the agency’s report and certainly expects his hair to be exonerated,” she says. More.

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