Hillary Clinton: ‘Don’t Abuse Me Some More’

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Takin’ in on the chin

A new ad campaign by Hillary Clinton called “Masochist” touts the willingness of the presumptive Democratic presidential candidate to go to the mat for the American people.

“All my life I’ve fought for others,” Clinton says in the ad, “whether it was for children or embattled presidents or health care plans. Now I want to fight for all Americans. A big bully is stalking our country, and I’m ready to take him head on. He can come at me with everything he’s got. I don’t mind. If I can protect my country from this bully, no matter how much I get hurt, then I’m happy. I’m Hillary Clinton, and I don’t mind being punched in the face for you.”

HC

Singin’ the black and blues

In another spot, called “Singin’ the Blues,” Clinton shows off her vocal range by singing about the knocks she’s taken over the years and hopes to take in the years ahead as president.

I can’t count the nights
I’ve lied awake in bed
Waitin’ for my cheatin’ husband
To lie me to sleep

And I can’t count the days
I’ve been shamed in the media,
Is it so much to ask,
To be cleared in Wikipedia?

And, oh, I can’t count the times
I’ve tried to win your love
But you’ve pushed me away

First it was Obama
And now it’s Sanders,
Tomorrow it could be Trump

Will I get so close
Only to have it slip away again?
I’m fightin’, I’m fightin’
I’m singin’ the
“Not loved by you” blues

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Don’t thank me

In the third and last spot of the series, called “Helping the Minorities,” Clinton says she’ll “take the punches” for the blacks and others because she, too, has felt the sting of rejection. “To have people hate you, not for what you’ve done but for who you are, is something I’ve wrestled with all my life,” she says. “I feel your pain—especially in my face.”

Clinton ends the message with an appeal for your vote. “It’s your choice, America. You can be bullied, or you can do the bullying. I want your vote, I’ll accept your abuse. Let me take the hit. You’re going to hate me anyway.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photo: pd (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of image.

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