In an exclusive Q&A, Tim Peters, the man selected to patrol public bathrooms in North Carolina under the state’s new anti-LGBT bathroom law, sits down with The Nattering Nabobs to talk about why he’s the man for the job.
The Nattering Nabobs: You’ve been a policeman since 1992. Why did you throw your hat into the ring when the state was looking for a bathroom monitor? Not only is the law controversial, but you have to spend your days in bathrooms.
Tim Peters: I’m doing it for the girls. When they go to the bathroom, they should be able to pull up their dresses and pull down their panties without any other man being in the bathroom.
TNN: Why should you be an exception?
TP: I have a badge and a gun. I aim to use both.
TNN: The law also applies to boys’ bathrooms. Will you be an equal opportunity enforcer?
TP: I won’t neglect the boys, believe me. They’ll be in good hands.
TNN: What will you do if you suspect a person using the girls’ bathroom is really a man?
TP: I think a pat-down will be effective.
TNN: It could be hard to tell.
TP: I have applied the pat-down to a lot of women. If you have experienced hands, you can get a good feeling about them.
TNN: I see you’ve been reassigned quite a bit during your years on the force. Why have your bosses moved you around so much?
TP: If you look closely at the record, you’ll see I’ve never been convicted of anything.
TNN: I’ll be sure to take another look.
TP: Listen, there are a lot of creeps out there. You need to be vigilant. The person you’re talking to could be the biggest creep of all. That’s why this law is important. Once that door closes, I will ensure the only man in the bathroom with the girls is me. And the girls will know it.
This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photo: pd (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of image.
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