Hastert: ‘I’m Just One in a Long Line of Republican Hypocrites’

commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Dennis_Hastert#/media/File:US_Navy_061230-D-1142M-014_Former_First_Lady_Betty_Ford_attends_a_memorial_service_at_the_capitol.jpgDisgraced former Speaker of the House Denny Hastert says he’s ashamed of his behavior decades ago, when he acted inappropriately with underage boys as their teacher and coach in Yorkville, Ill. But he also defended himself, saying the Republican party has a long history of its members condemning people for marital infidelity and sexual “deviancy” while secretly engaging in the practices themselves.

“Everyone knows the Republican party is full of closet homosexuals and serial marital cheaters even though it touts itself as the family-values party,” Hastert, 74, said after his admission in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Illinois, Eastern Division. “I can show you a list as long as my arm of Republicans in Congress who lie about their sexual identity and cheat on their spouses while condemning others for doing the same.”

Hastert cited Larry Craig, the Republican senator from Idaho, who was arrested for lewd conduct in a men’s bathroom at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport in 2007, and Mark Foley, the Republican representative from Florida, who was accused of sending sexually explicit emails to teenage male congressional pages in 2006, and Ed Schrock, the Republican representative from Virginia and a leading opponent of gay-rights legislation, who was caught on tape soliciting sex from a male prostitute in 2004, and Jim Kolbe, the Republican representative from Arizona, who was outed as gay after he voted for the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, and Dan Crane, the Republican representative from Illinois, who was censured in 1983 for having sex with a young congressional aide, and Jon Hinson, the Republican representative from Mississippi, who resigned after being charged with performing oral sex on a young male staffer at the Library of Congress in 1981, and Robert Bauman, the Republican representative from Maryland, who was charged with soliciting sex from a 16-year-old male prostitute in 1980, and Steve Gunderson, the Republican representative from Wisconsin, who was outed as gay during a debate over federal funding of gay-friendly school curricula in 1994 by Bob Dornan, a Republican representative from California, and John Schmitz, the Republican representative from California and the leader of the ultra-conservative John Birch Society, who admitted in 1982 to having a second family whose children were wards of the state because he refused to support them, and David Vitter, the Republican senator from Louisiana who criticized his predecessor for infidelity and whose name was found in the address book of D.C. Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey in 2007, and John Ensign, the Republican senator from Nevada, who admitted to having an affair with the wife of his friend and campaign staffer in 2009, and Mark Souder, the Republican representative from New York and a staunch advocate of abstinence and family values, who admitted to having an affair with one of his staffers in 2010, and Vito Fossella, another Republican representative from New York, who was arrested in 2008 for drunken driving and admitted to having an affair that produced a child, and Scott DesJarlais, the Republican representative from Tennessee and anti-abortion advocate, who allegedly made his wife have two abortions and tried to press one of several mistresses into having an abortion, and Chris Lee, another Republican representative from New York, who resigned in 2011 after he was found to have sent a shirtless picture of himself flexing his muscles to a woman he met on Craigslist, and John Peterson, the Republican representative from Pennsylvania, who was accused of sexual harrassment by four women in 1996 although he said he was just an “excessive hugger,” and Don Sherwood, the Republican representative from Pennsylvania, who lost reelection in 2004 after it was reported he had a five-year affair with a woman who accused him of abusing her, and Chip Pickering, the Republican representative of Mississippi, who allegedly had an affair in 2009, and Steven LaTourette, the Republican representative from Ohio, who was exposed in 2003 for having an affair with his chief of staff, and Vance McAllister, the Republican representative from Louisiana, who was caught on camera deeply kissing a married staffer in 2014 and lost reelection, and Robert Packwood, the powerful senator from Oregon, who resigned in 1992 after more than a dozen women accused him of sexual misconduct, and Donald (”Buz”) Lukens, the Republican representative from Ohio, who resigned in 1990 after being accused of fondling a female elevator operator, and Ken Calvert, a Republican representative from California, who admitted to being involved with a prostitute in 1993, and Bob Barr, the Republican representative from Georgia and the first lawmaker to call for the resignation of President Bill Clinton because of his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinsky, who was found to have had an affair in 1990, and Henry Hyde, the Republican representative from Illinois who presided over Clinton’s impeachment hearings in 1998, who admitted to having an affair with a married woman in the 1960s, and Newt Gingrich, the Republican representative from Georgia and one-time House Speaker, who resigned in 1998 after admitting to having an affair with an intern at the same time he was leading the impeachment effort against Clinton, and Robert Livingston, the Republican representative who was slated to replace Gingrich as House Speaker, who withdrew because his own extramarital affairs had been exposed in 1998, and Dan Burton, the Republican representative from Indiana who criticized the affairs of Clinton and other lawmakers, who had his own affair exposed in 1998, and Jim Bunn, the Republican representative from Oregon, who lost reelection to a second term after he divorced his wife and married his chief of staff during his one and only term, and Ernie Konnyu, the Republican representative from California, who was twice accused of sexual harrassment in 1987, and Thomas Evans, the Republican representative from Delaware, who apologized for spending time on a golf trip in 1982 with nude model and lobbyist Paula Parkinson who claimed to have taken an “unusually tactile” lobbying approach to him, and Arlan Stangeland, the Republican senator from Minnesota, who lost his reelection bid in 1990 after it was reported he made several hundred long-distance phone calls to a female lobbyist the previous year, and Mark Sanford, the Republican representative from South Carolina, who was censured in 2009 when he was governor for financial improprieties related to his extramarital affairs with an Argentine woman, Maria Belen Chapur.

“As you can see, Republicans know what they’re talking about when they condemn others for sexual misconduct,” Hastert said.

This is a work of satire. Photo: usn (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of image.

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