10 Ways America is No Longer Great

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melania_Trump

Necessary import

Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump is running on the slogan “Make America Great Again.” Here are 10 ways the United States is no longer great.

1. Its women are no longer beautiful. Today, someone wealthy has to look outside the United States for a wife, at least two out of three times, because all of the hot women are taken

gs2. It’s no longer a meritocracy. It’s possible for someone to use his wealth to run for president even though he’s driven the company his dad started into bankruptcy four times

mn3. It’s no longer a melting pot. It’s possible for someone running for president to win more votes than his competitors by asking his supporters to slug immigrants or people of color who disrupt his rallies
jpd
4. Freedom of speech is no longer respected. It’s possible someone running for president threatens to weaken the First Amendment—the very amendment that ensures him the right to denounce the First Amendment

5. People no longer know what the First Amendment is.

6. The rule of law is no longer valued. It’s possible someone running for president knows so little about U.S. law that he articulates a policy that constitutes a war crime

7. Presidents can no longer assume they’re welcome in allied countries. Some countries—Great Britain or Mexico, say—might talk about withdrawing the welcome mat for the U.S. president

8. It no longer influences the global order. A presidential contender might suggest removing the last remaining levers the country has in influencing other countries by removing military bases and allowing other countries to deploy nuclear weapons

9. It no longer treats neo-Nazis as pariahs.
It’s possible someone running for president waits three days before denouncing a well-known leader of a white supremacist group who endorses him

10. Its leaders get all of their information from the Internet. It’s conceivable someone running for president claims he only knows what he reads on the Internet

“Donald Trump has hit the nail on the head with his campaign slogan,” says Steve Nelson, professor of political science at Syracuse University. “In all sorts of ways, the United States is not the great country it once was. What Trump has done is put a spotlight on our shortcomings, and that’s the first step to addressing our problems. Now that we know what’s wrong, we can start to fix things.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) gs, mn, jpd, pd (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

More stories:

Trump Releases Election Manifesto, ‘Contract With Myself’

ghTaking a page from the 1994 congressional elections that swept Republicans into power in the House for the first time in 40 years, Donald Trump unveiled a campaign manifesto called “Contract With Myself” to detail the administrative changes he will make upon his first day in office and the legislative changes he’ll seek from Congress in his first 100 days. “As the only person who can make America great again, I propose fantastic changes to how we govern this once great country,” the preamble to the manifesto reads. “Upon my first day in office, I will sign directives to make the following five reforms: First, remame the White House the Trump White House. Second, replace the Rose Garden with a 6-hole golf course, called Trump White House Greens. More.

Clinton: ‘Only Thing Trump Has Is the Bigot Card’

BC3Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton fired an early general election shot by saying likely Republican nominee Donald Trump had “nothing going on” in his race for the presidency except the “bigot card.” “I think the only card he has is the bigot card,” she said in Terra Haute, Ind., where she was campaigning. The state holds its primary this week. “He’s got nothing else going on. Frankly, if Donald Trump wasn’t a bigot, I don’t think he would get 5 percent of the vote.” Trump responded by saying he’s a proud holder of the card. “If fighting for racists, xenophobes, and misogynists is playing the bigot card, then deal me in,” he said. More.

Cruz Promises to Shut Down Government If Elected President

mv

Texas Sen. Ted Cruz said if he’s elected president he would waste no time in shutting down the federal government, something he tried but failed to do three years ago as a member of the U.S. Senate. “The reason I tried to shut down the government three years ago is still present today,” Cruz said yesterday at a campaign stop in Harrisonburg, Pa. “Obamacare. Nothing has changed. That’s why, on Day One, I’m turning out the lights and locking the door to the federal government.” Cruz embarked on a 21-hour filibuster in October 2013 to prevent a Senate vote on a bill to raise the ceiling on the amount of debt the United States government can incur. In years past, periodic increases in the debt ceiling passed routinely, regardless of who was in the White House. More.

Six Things Besides Racism That Sarah Palin Should Condone

ahFormer vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin said on her Facebook page in early April that we should all just condone racism as a way to make the world a better place. Here are six other things we think Palin should condone: White people. It’s not politically correct, but let’s give a shout out to the people who made this country great. More.

Trump: ‘My Women Will Tell You I’m Not a Misogynist’

mnRepublican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump said today he’s not a misogynist and that “his women” will tell you that. “My wife Melania and my daughter Ivanka, just ask them,” said Trump. “They’ll tell you I’m no misogynist. And my other women—Marla and Ivana. They’ll tell you the same thing. All of my women, past and present, know I like women. In fact, I love women. I love them a lot.” Trump said “his women at work” also know he’s not a misogynist. “I give all of my women at The Trump Company opportunity. I give them responsibility. I don’t have to give them those things, but I do. Because my women are the best. In fact, I wouldn’t have anything but the best women.” More.

Trump Combover Implicated in Panama Papers Exposé

And you can too

The combover of Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump has been storing tens of millions of dollars in offshore bank accounts in Panama since 2006 in an alleged effort to avoid paying federal taxes, a report on the so-called Panama Papers by the International Coalition of Investigative Journalists claims. “Working under the name ‘Andre Smooth,’ the combover of Donald Trump has diverted between $4 million and $7 million each year since 2006 in a Panama-based holding company, Smooth, LLC, that otherwise claims no assets,” says the report, released yesterday as part of a rising tide of disclosures coming out of the investigation of some 11.5 million documents leaked from the Panamanian law firm Mossack Fonseca. More.

Neurosurgeon: ‘Donald Trump Really Does Have Big, Beautiful Brain’

brainsMayo Clinic neurosurgeon Ronald Madison has studied the brain of Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump and says it really is a “big, beautiful” specimen of human’s most important organ. “When Donald Trump compliments his own brain, he does so on good grounds,” says Madison, who studied Trump’s brain in 2013, when the real estate mogul went to the Mayo Clinic for tests. Madison says Trump was complaining of “low energy” and wanted to rule out anything neurological, so he arranged to have a battery of tests done. “What I found was, of all the brains I’ve seen, Trump’s was certainly one of the biggest and most beautiful ever,” he says. “It’s a very good brain.” More.

Study: Trump, Like Saddam Hussein, Has ‘Dictator’s Finger’

coverIs Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump a dictator in the making? A report from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology suggests he is, based on a body-language analysis that finds he and former Iraq strongman Saddam Hussein, along with other strongmen throughout history, share a key oratorical gesture. The gesture is called “Dictator’s Finger,” because it’s seen only in people who believe they are infallible. “The moment we saw Donald Trump raise his index finger for the first time in a debate, we saw the connection with dictators throughout history,” says Nelson Pottsmann, professor of communications at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and director of the MIT Center for Body Language and Non-Verbal Communication Studies. More.

Poll: Voters OK With a Little Bigotry in President

b chartAlmost 60 percent of Republicans say a little bigotry isn’t a “deal killer” in determining who gets their vote for president, and about that same percentage say “it’s not critical” the next president represent all Americans as long as “a good chunk” of Americans are represented, according to the results of the most recent Center for American Politics poll. The results suggest Republican party leaders and big-money donors face headwinds in their effort to deny the 2016 Republican presidential nomination to real estate mogul Donald Trump, who has been accused of making bigoted and other divisive remarks on the campaign trail. More.

Aide: ‘Acting Presidential Will Kill the Trump Campaign’

mn

A high-ranking staff aide to Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump says the candidate and his advisors have talked multiple times about him acting presidential on the campaign trail, but they know if he does, the millions of angry white Americans who support him will be disappointed and either back another candidate or not vote. “This is topic number one in our meetings,” says the aide, who asked not to be identified so he could speak candidly about internal deliberations. “We have guys who are adamant that Trump learn the issues, get familiar with the complexities of the world and also behave like a normal candidate at his rallies. Then we have others who say he should absolutely not do that. Right now, the ‘don’t act presidential’ camp is winning.” More.

A Bald Trump is a Weak Trump: Inside the Secret Plan to Take Out The Donald

sam

When Paul Ryan, the speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, met with concerned Republican donors and officials last week to talk about the party’s Trump problem, there was consensus that more needed to be done to stop the billionaire from marching to Cleveland with an insurmountable claim to the presidential nomination. But there was no consensus on what to do—until the last 10 minutes of the meeting, according to a party official who spoke on the condition of anonymity. In a last-gasp effort to put the brakes on the Trump train, the group concluded a covert mission was needed to separate Trump from his beloved combover—and let his vulnerability shine out for all to see. More.

 

 

Advertisements