Here are six other things we think Palin should condone:
- White people. It’s not politically correct, but let’s give a shout out to the people who made this country great.
- Snowmobiling. Is Todd a hunk, or what?
- People magazine. How else are you going to know what’s happening in the world?
- Bristol. Take a famous name and run with it!
- Nordstrom card. Don’t leave home without it!
- Men. They’re hot, AND they do what you want.
Do you have other things Sarah Palin should condone? Let us know by going to our online petition page.
This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) ah, pd (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
Worried that Donald Trump’s focus on score-settling and conspiracy mongering is dooming Republicans’ chance of winning the White House, GOP leaders have asked party heavyweights Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann to help right the listing campaign. “Trump will be a good president because he understands the needs of hurting Americans, but we first need to win the presidency and we think that requires adding some intellectual heft to his campaign team,” says Reince Priebus, the Republican National Committee chair. “We are pleased to announce that two of our party’s most well-respected thought leaders, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and former Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, have agreed to return to the political fray on behalf of our nominee for president.” Palin, tapped to be the running mate of Sen. John McCain of Arizona when he was the Republican presidential nominee in 2008, is expected to bring considerable policy heft to the Trump effort. More.
Former Alaska governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin said it’s President Barack Obama’s fault that Republicans are not the party of personal responsibility, as they used to be. “It would be nice if we, as Republicans, could once again be the party of personal responsibility, but unfortunately our current president makes that impossible,” Palin said in remarks she made yesterday in Ames, Iowa. “Taking responsibility for yourself, not pointing the finger at other people, is always what the Republican Party has been about. But, goodbye to that—thanks to Barack Hussein Obama.” More.
AMES, Iowa—Former Alaska governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin endorsed real estate mogul Donald Trump for president yesterday, saying he is the one candidate who lives and breathes for the spotlight, a quality the United States needs in its leader. “Our country does not need another politician to debate the finer points of policy,” said Palin in her endorsement speech here. “Our country needs someone who hungers to be on TV, to be treated like a celebrity, to be famous. That is the quality we need in our president, and that is the quality we get with Donald Trump.” More.
Texas Sen. Ted Cruz said if he’s elected president he would waste no time in shutting down the federal government, something he tried but failed to do three years ago as a member of the U.S. Senate. “The reason I tried to shut down the government three years ago is still present today,” Cruz said yesterday at a campaign stop in Harrisonburg, Pa. “Obamacare. Nothing has changed. That’s why, on Day One, I’m turning out the lights and locking the door to the federal government.” Cruz embarked on a 21-hour filibuster in October 2013 to prevent a Senate vote on a bill to raise the ceiling on the amount of debt the United States government can incur. In years past, periodic increases in the debt ceiling passed routinely, regardless of who was in the White House. More.
It’s all there. The insane general, the panicked president, the mad dash to stop the destruction, only the insane general is Sarah Palin, the Tea Party favorite who paved the way for the candidacy of Donald Trump on an unsuspecting nation, and the president is Reince Priebus, the chair of the Republican National Committee, who has been unable to stop the detonation of the Trump candidacy. A confidential memo drafted by RNC operatives and anonymously leaked to news outlets today reveals the stunning finding that the candidacy of Donald Trump was never supposed to happen. But Palin, by making political insanity the new normal for the GOP, showed The Donald the way. The result has been chaos. More.