Voters Bemoan Only 9 More Months of Presidential Race

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The race for the U.S. presidency, with only seven months left to go, already has voters concerned that so little time is left to watch more debates, candidate speeches, and voting results.

“I just don’t see how anyone can really get a sense of who will be the best president by November,” says Clarence Smythe, an accountant in Tucson, Ariz. “Unless we see Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and the others exchange more insults, trying to decide who will be best in the White House isn’t realistic.”

gsLisa Caldwell, a part-time teacher’s aide in Lansing, Mich., would agree. “Can we really know if Donald Trump has the temperament to be president if we don’t get more occasions to hear him call Ted Cruz ‘Lying Ted?’ Before you know it, we’ll have the Republican and Democratic nominees out there, and that just leaves us a few months in which they can insult each other.”

gsOfficials in both parties share that concern, which is why measures will be coming up at both parties’ conventions this summer to extend the campaign season to at least three years. “A two-year period to introduce candidates to voters simply isn’t sufficient, given the magnitude of what the president does,” says Phil Barnes, a Republican consultant who was affiliated with Wis. Gov. Scott Walker before he dropped out of the race. “What we’re seeing is that, candidates can’t use up all of their insults in just a matter of months; they need at least two years to be comprehensive. So, that will be high on the agenda when the party meets in Cleveland this summer, and I’m sure the Democrats will be addressing the issue as well on their side.”

If anything, the panic is running deeper among Democrats, because the party’s two remaining candidates, former secretary of state Hillary Clinton and Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders, have barely insulted each other even though only about four months remain before the convention in Philadelphia. “Maybe Clinton will have time to say something about Sanders’ hair, but I doubt it,” says Craig Knopff, a party official who is working on a plan to extend campaign time frames for the 2020 election. “Candidates are still clearing their throats after two years. You need at least another year for them to figure out which insults stick and which ones don’t.”

“This is definitely a learning year,” says Barnes. “We’re seeing the inadequacy of a two-year presidential election cycle. What we want are the 2020 candidates out there insulting each other by the end of 2017. That way they’ll have a full three years to comment about candidates’ anatomical features, bathroom habits, and so on. Unless all the candidates can use up their full arsenal of insults, I don’t see how the American people can decide who should be president.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) cc, gs, pd (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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