As a boy growing up in Alabama, Georgia, and then Kentucky, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell would occasionally go a week or two without getting beat up by other kids, a book released this week claims.
“Not every week was ‘beat up Mitch McConnell week,’ Rex Doane says in Mitch McConnell: Little Snively Punching Bag (Knobe: 2016), “but most weeks were. McConnell usually had a cut lip, bent glasses, or bandaged nose, and on a typical weekend he could be found cowering under his kitchen table when one of his classmates walked by his front yard.”
McConnell has come a long way since then, and Doane, in his detailed account, paints a portrait of a man’s journey from punching bag to the lawmaker who uses his position as leader of the United States Senate to block as much of the legislative agenda of President Barack Obama as he can. “From the time he was six years old,” Doane writes, “McConnell vowed he would reach the pinnacle of American political power and get back at all the boys (and girls) who beat him up.”
Doane suggests it was this burning desire for revenge that drove him to become president of the Student Council of Arts and Sciences when he was at the University of Louisville and then president of the Student Bar Association at the University of Kentucky College of Law.
“He wanted to be the head of everything he did,” Doane writes. “He wanted to make the rules so he could thumb his nose at the bullies that made his life a living hell when he was growing up.”
By Doane’s account, it’s that same drive that animates McConnell’s relentless obstruction of Obama’s presidency. “To McConnell, Obama is everything he never was: cool, athletic, and handsome, the guy who always got the girls,” Doane writes. “The President represented what McConnell wanted for himself, but knew he could never get.”
And thus the infamous line from McConnell, two years into Obama’s first term, about doing whatever it takes to make Obama a one-term president. “When Obama thwarted that goal by winning reelection two years later, McConnell feared he was turning back into the punching bag he was so desperate to leave behind,” Doane writes.
It’s timely that the book released just as McConnell was once again using the power of his position to try to block Obama, by telling the President to hold off nominating a Supreme Court justice to replace Antonin Scala, who passed away in mid-February. “The question now becomes, will McConnell once again be thwarted by his nemesis?” Doane writes. “The sad prospect for McConnell is, despite his rise to power, he is, and always will be, the snively little kid who everyone loves to push around. That’s his greatest fear, and that fear seems to be a reality that will follow him around for the rest of his life.”
Doane will be available to talk about his book in a live chat this month in an online forum sponsored by Knobe.
This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) pd (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
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