Game Animals Refuse to Mourn Scalia Death

albert

Albert the Moose

The American Association of Game Animals released a statement today calling Antonin Scalia a “titan” of American jurisprudence, but because the Supreme Court justice, who died earlier this week, was an avid hunter, the group does not mourn his death.

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Scalia

“Had Justice Scalia engaged in a hobby that did not involve the hunting and shooting of birds and anaimals, we would be as saddened by his death as anyone,” the group said in its statement. “But because his hobby involved the hunting and shooting of birds and animals, we instead breathe a sigh of relief that there is one less person in this country who will be coming after us with rifle in hand with the sole purpose of felling us to the ground.”

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Don’t shoot

Albert the Moose, president of the group, says Scalia was likely responsible for the death of dozens of birds and animals, if not more. “How many of my fellow game animals and birds would be alive today if the Justice did not amuse himself with the recreational killing of wildlife?” the moose said. “It is not lost on us that the Justice was at yet anther hunting retreat when he died unexpectedly in Shafter, Texas.”

The group is calling on President Barack Obama to choose as Justice Scalia’s replacement a jurist who has a hobby other than hunting.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) pd (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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What can you do?

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Mary Fallin

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