Voters Stunned to Learn Rand Paul’s Withdrawal Hasn’t Dimmed Spotlight for Canadian Rockers Rush

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John Kasich in 1978

Just when they thought it was safe to go to presidential campaign events without having to listen to the Canadian band Rush, voters have learned that Rand Paul, the libertarian candidate who recently dropped out of the race, isn’t the only fan of the band. Ohio Gov. John Kasich is also a fan, which means the piercing screech of Geddy Lee and the tin-can thumping of Neil Peart once again threaten to send property values down around 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington.

“Please, tell me this isn’t true,” says Jim Robinson, 40, an attorney in Carson City, Nev., who was interested in voting for Rand Paul but decided he could never vote for anyone who quoted Rush lyrics at campaign events. “When John Kasich surged in New Hampshire, I thought to myself, ‘This is the guy. He’s everything Rand Paul is plus he doesn’t have that weird Rush thing going on.’ Now I learn he also has that weird Rush thing going on. Do I have to vote for Trump?!”

2112Rush burst onto the music scene in the late 1970s with its heavy metal anthem “2112.” The piece fused the hard rock of Led Zeppelin with the progressive rock of Yes. It then solidified its place as godfather of a new genre, progressive metal, with a series of high-concept albums before hitting the mainstream in 1981 with its multi-platinum album Moving Pictures, which included the chart-topping “Tom Sawyer.”

But while the band has a loyal following, many people say they can’t listen to the screeching vocals of Geddy Lee and the thumping of Neil Peart’s 50-piece drum kit without pulling out their hair. And the band’s over-wrought philosophizing, which in the early years gave a thumb’s up to Ayn Randian libertarianism, is said to trigger the gag reflex in people all across the United States.

RRHOF

Rock Hall

Kasich, whose state is home to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, spent years sharing the dismay of Rush fans that their band kept getting passed over for induction into the big pyramid on the banks of Lake Erie.

tweet“Just met w/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame board & demanded to know why @RushtheBand isn’t in the @Rock_Hall of Fame,” Kasich tweeted on May 18, 2011.

tweetThen, after the band was inducted in 2012, he took to Twitter again, on December 11, 2012, to say, “Just got word that Rush made the @Rock_Hall of Fame. Long overdue. They’re a great group of guys that still put on an amazing show.”

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Does R-U-S-H spell doom?

Will Kasich’s open admiration for the band doom his chances for the White House? His campaign manager, Beth Hansen, doesn’t think so. “We’ve talked to him and he knows not to say or do anything that would connect him to this band whose name is not to be mentioned,” says Hansen. “Yes, for voters who look into his past, there are these embarrassing episodes that they might find. But just as Trump once supported abortion rights and expanded health insurance, past positions on some things don’t have to doom a candidate. We think voters are smart enough to understand that people do things when they’re younger that they later come to regret. And the Governor certainly has a few of those. But I can assure you he doesn’t listen to the band now and might not even like them anymore. So, I think this band will not be an issue for him going forward.”

But for some voters, it’s too late. “I knew Kasich was too good to be true,” says Ron Madison, an accountant in Charleston, S.C. “I wanted a fiscal conservative who was a little bit on the moderate side when it came to social issues, and Kasich fit the bill perfectly,” he says. “But to know he actually likes ‘The Spirt of Radio’ and ‘Limelight?’ What choice do I have but to hold my nose and vote for Trump? Well, as Hillary Clinton says, life is full of hard choices.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) cjt (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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