Anti-semite: ‘I’d Vote for Clinton But I’m a Misogynist’

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Bill Norton

Bill Norton of Charleston, S.C., says he’d like to vote for Hillary Clinton because his anti-semitism keeps him from voting for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders, who is Jewish, but he can’t vote for Hillary because he’s a misogynist.

“The Democrats have really left me with no choice but to vote Republican or not vote at all,” says the 59-year-old machine shop supervisor. “Of course, my racism makes it impossible for me to support Ben Carson, although I like his godliness. And my dislike of other minorities keeps me from supporting Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio.”

Ben Carson is the retired neurosurgeon who led polls earlier in the race but has attracted little support since voting began. Cruz is senator from Texas and Rubio is senator from Florida. They’re both Cuban.

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Mexican

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melania_Trump

Gypsy?

Norton says he’s looking closely at the three remaining white Christian males, real estate mogul Donald Trump, former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, and Ohio Gov. John Kasich.

At this point, he says, he’s ready to eliminate Bush, because his wife is Mexican. Trump also has a foreigner wife, Melania Krause. She was born in the old Yugoslavia and that’s just a little too foreign for him. “A lot of Jews and gypsies are slavic,” he says. “I’m not saying she’s Jewish or gypsy; I’m saying a lot of Jews and gypsies are slavic, and that makes me a little nervous, although I have to say, if she’s a gypsy, she can shake her tambourine on me anytime.” Melania Krause is a former model.

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Solid stock

That leaves John Kasich. Both he and his wife appear to be solid Americans with no foreignness in them, although Norton is pretty sure Kasich comes from Eastern European stock. “I can live with that, don’t get me wrong,” he says. And his wife, Kathy Kasich, seems to be of some kind of German stock. “And I’m cool with that,” he says. “Plus, she’s  a tasty looking morsel herself, although not quite as hot as Trump’s wife. I guess it’s Kasich.”

Norton says he doesn’t necessarily agree with Kasich’s politics, but he can live with his compassionate conservatism. “I’m more of a Bernie-styled union supporter, but, as I said, I can’t vote for him because I’m an anti-semite. And I like Clinton’s foreign policy chops, but, again, I can’t vote for her because I’m a misogynist. I’m just going to have to stick with Kasich. Kind of white bread, but that’s what we’re left with.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) cjt (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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