Hillary Clinton: ‘I Have a Pipe Dream’

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Hillary_Clinton_presidential_campaign,_2016#/media/File:Hillary_Clinton_speaking_at_Manchester_Community_College_NH.jpg

Just another speech?

PORTSMOUTH, N.H.—In what is sure to be remembered as an iconic moment of the 2016 presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton, the former first lady and secretary of state, stood on the steps of the Rockingham County courthouse before several dozen people and said, “I have a pipe dream.”

Despite the cold and a fussy baby who kept throwing an object out of her carriage, Clinton challenged the nation to set aside its differences and let her enact her five-point plan to “take the United States to the next level” as the country’s president.

jt2

History in making?

“Point one, we need to lower the cost of college,” she said. “Point two, hard-working families need affordable day care. Point three, we must protect and build on Obamacare, not dismantle it and start from scratch. And, by the way, that’s what my Democratic opponent wants to do if he’s elected. Point four, we must forge a humane and fair solution to the millions of people from outside the United States who want to come here and start their lives here as citizens of this great country. And lastly, we need to remember that a Republican president could have the chance to appoint up to three Supreme Court justice in the next few years. We must not let that happen.”

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00W02PIJO/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00W02PIJO&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=2NZBYW3DS7XQDEMQPerhaps sensing that they were part of an historic moment, several people clapped, and one person chanted, “Hill-a-ry, Hill-a-ry!”

“Do we want to take a step backward or do we want to move forward?” Clinton asked. “I know which direction I want to move in, and it starts with your vote here. We’re counting on you, New Hampshire. I hope you share my pipe dream!”

On the eve of the New Hampshire primary, Clinton, whose campaign started as the prohibitive front runner for the Democratic nomination, was 20 points behind her challenger, Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) jt (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

More stories:

Babes Launch ‘Dudes For Hillary’ to Elevate Men’s ‘Voices’

dMen have strong political convictions; men have the right to vote. More importantly, though, men have abs and biceps. At first glance, you might gather that’s the message behind a growing Snapchat account, “Dudes For Hillary,” which proclaims to be “Making America Whole Again One Dude at A Time.” The account, that is run by women, houses dozens of images of conventionally attractive men baring it all in the name of supporting Hillary. More.

Former Secretary of State Clinton Revealed as Sanders Foreign Policy Advisor

debate

After months of taking hits for not disclosing the identity of the foreign policy expert advising him, Democratic presidential contender Bernie Sanders said today his go-to person is former secretary of state Hillary Clinton. “Secretary Clinton has been an invaluable member of my team,” says Sanders, senator of Vermont who’s been surging in the polls since winning the New Hampshire primary. “She has shared her experience to help me understand the nuances of Middle East politics, South Asia power struggles, and the challenges of keeping Russian aggression in check.” More.

John Kasich? We Were Voting For His Wife, Voters Say

kwk

John Kasich finally broke through the crowd in the Republican presidential race earlier this week with his second-place finish in New Hampshire, but a detailed look at exit polls shows that it’s his wife, Kathy, that voters want in the White House. “John Kasich is okay, I think, especially given the rest of the GOP crowd, but his wife, now she’s a person that would make a great president,” says Jane Reynolds, a school teacher in Portsmouth, N.H. “Smart, articulate, and knows the business world—yep, she has it all. And she’s better looking than that woman who just dropped out. Carla Farina? Cari Ferraro? I can never remember her name.” “Can I look at Kathy Kasich for the next four years on nightly television as our First Lady?” asks Bill Jones, a retired engineer. More.

Clinton: ‘Iowa, New Hampshire Prove My Electability’

HC

Hillary Clinton said she remains the overwhelming favorite to be the Democratic presidential nominee despite suffering a big loss to Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders in New Hampshire and coming in a virtual tie with him in Iowa. “Iowa and New Hampshire are very different states, and the fact that Sanders almost beat me in one and did beat me in the other means I remain well on the road to leading the Democrats in the general election against the Republicans,” Clinton said as she flew to South Carolina, which holds the next primary in about a week and a half. Barack Obama won the state when he ran against Clinton for the Democratic nomination in the 2008 election. More.

Bernie Sanders Goes Shirtless in ‘Shameless’ Grab for Women Voters

bb1A trove of pictures showing a shirtless Bernie Sanders on the beach are making the rounds online, giving the 75-year-old Democratic nomination contender a big lift in the polls, especially in the key battleground state of Florida. And the Hillary Clinton campaign is crying foul. “We didn’t think Sanders would stoop so low to pull away older women voters who’ve always been among Hillary Clinton’s core supporters, but he did, and we’re calling him out on it,” says Meg Smith, the Clinton campaign’s Florida coordinator. “Bernie, put your shirt back on!” More.

Anti-semite: ‘I’d Vote for Clinton But I’m a Misogynist’

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Photographic_silhouettes_of_people#/media/File:Contre-jour_talk.jpg

Bill Norton of Charleston, S.C., says he’d like to vote for Hillary Clinton because his anti-semitism keeps him from voting for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders, who is Jewish, but he can’t vote for Hillary because he’s a misogynist. “The Democrats have really left me with no choice but to vote Republican or not vote at all,” says the 59-year-old machine shop supervisor. “Of course, my racism makes it impossible for me to support Ben Carson, although I like his godliness. And my dislike of other minorities keeps me from supporting Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio.” Ben Carson is the retired neurosurgeon who led polls earlier in the race but has attracted little support since voting began. More.

Misogynist: ‘I’d Vote for Sanders But I’m an Anti-semite’

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Man_and_woman_silhouettes.jpgTed Barnes, a misogynist who can’t bring himself to vote for former secretary of state Hillary Clinton, says he’d like to vote for Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders but he’s also an anti-semitie. “I’m really in a tough place this election,” says Barnes, 42, of Las Vegas, Nev. “The Democrats have got me so boxed in that I’m actually looking over at the Republican side to see what they offer.” Barnes, a big union guy, says he’s a lifelong Democrat. “Who is better for the unions, Clinton or Sanders? I’m not sure,” he says. “But it doesn’t matter, because I don’t want a woman in the White House and I don’t want a Jew in the White House. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.” More.

Memo to Carly Fiorina: Actually, No One Wants to See You Debate Hillary

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Carly_Fiorina#/media/File:Carly_Fiorina_(21124348900).jpg

For some reason, Republican presidential nominaton contestant Carly Fiorina thinks everyone in the United States wants to see her debate Hillary Clinton when the presidential race moves into the general election. Apparently, Fiorina thinks because she’s a rpwoman and Clinton is a woman, people want to see the debate. But, actually, no one wants to see them debate and in fact most people don’t even care that Fiorina is runninge”As far as I can tell, the only person who wants to see Hillary and Fiorina debate is Fiorina,” says John Stewart, a Republican political consultant who is not aligned with any candidate. More.

Obama: ‘Glad When This Is Over and I Can Go Back to Kenya’

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Barack_Obama#/media/File:Barack_Obama_thinking,_first_day_in_the_Oval_Office.jpgU.S. President Barack Obama said today in an interview with the foreign press that it’s been a tough seven years and he still has one more to go, but he takes comfort knowing it will soon be over and and he can go back to Kenya. “That’s what keeps me going,” he said. The first black president of the United States said adjusting to life in America has not been easy, even though he’s lived here most of his life. But he thinks he did a good job as president and would like to run for the presidency of Kenya in a few years, if the people of his native country will have him. “Winning election in Kenya is not quite as straight-forward as it is here,” he said. “Here, you give a few speeches and, if people like your style, you become well-known and then you just compete in primaries and caucuses held by the states. More.

Jeb Bush to Bow Out of Presidential Race, Ask His One Supporter to Back Kasich

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Jeb_Bush#/media/File:Governor_of_Florida_Jeb_Bush_at_Southern_Republican_Leadership_Conference,_Oklahoma_City,_OK_May_2015_by_Michael_Vadon_123.jpg

IOWA CITY, Iowa—Former Fla. Gov. Jeb Bush, facing likely defeat in the Iowa caucuses on Monday, said he was pulling out of the race for the Republican nomination and asked his one supporter in the state, Ted Smith, to back Ohio Gov. John Kasich for president. “It’s with a heavy heart that I’m withdrawing from the race for president of the United States, but it’s the right thing to do for my family, my party, and my country,” Bush said to a mostly empty room at a Hyatt Hotel here. “I’ve tried to articulate a sensible plan for making America great while staying true to the country’s values, but voters are telling me it is not my time.” More.

Charlton Heston Endorses Trump

commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Donald_Trump_Sr._at_Citizens_United_Freedom_Summit_in_Greenville_South_Carolina_May_2015_by_Michael_Vadon_01.jpg commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Charlton_Heston#/media/File:Charlton_Heston_in_Ben_Hur_trailer.jpg commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2.7.13ColinPowellElementaryByLuigiNovi13.jpg

DAVENPORT, Iowa—Following on the heels of the endorsement by dead American icon John Wayne, the late great actor and gun-rights activist Charlton Heston today endorsed the Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump. As with the Wayne endorsement, the announcement was made by the actor’s daughter on behalf of her dead father. “I’m sorry my dad couldn’t be here in person, but I know in my heart that he would want to endorse Donald Trump for president,” said Janet Smith-Heston at a news conference here. More.

Parliament Votes to Allow Trump’s Combover Into Britain, But Not Trump

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Chamber_of_the_House_of_Commons_of_the_United_Kingdom#/media/File:Dominic_Grieve_in_Parliament.jpg

LONDON—After a raucous parliamentary debate, members of the House of Commons voted to allow the combover of Donald Trump into Great Britain, should he be elected president of the United States, but Trump himself was not welcome. “We do not want to hold Donald Trump’s bigotry and nativism against his hair,” said Gavin Blair, an MP from the southwest district of London. Nigel Robinson, an MP from Birmingham, argued that the hair should be banned as well, but his argument left many unconvinced. “I made my case and I lost, and I accept that,” he said. “But I do believe his hair should not be allowed to get off scot free in this debate. My apologies to the Scots, who I hope won’t try to secede again.” More.

Marla Maples: Despite Wealth, Donald Trump Is Not Well-Endowed

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Marla_Maples#/media/File:Marla_Maples_LF_crop.jpg https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Living_Room_of_Arabella_On_Boossa.jpg

Marla Maples, the former wife of Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump, says her former husband is endowed with wealth and a go-getter personality, but he is not well-endowed in the one aspect of his life he would like to be, and she thinks that this inadequacy is driving his presidential run. “Do I think he feels small in that respect?” asked the one-time actress who was Trump’s wife from 1993 to 1997 and was known as the “other woman” when Trump was married to Ivana Trump. They had one daughter between them, Tiffany Trump, who today is known for her enthusiastic use of Instagram. More.

Clearly Undoctored Photos Show Obama Romping With Young Women

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Miniskirts#/media/File:Miniskirts010.jpg https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Miniskirts#/media/File:Olympia_Fashion_Show_2010_(43).jpg https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Miniskirts#/media/File:Shenaz_Treasuryvala,_Pooja_Gujral,_Kavi_Shastri_at_the_launch_of_%27Main_Aur_Mr._Riight%27_(7).jpgWASHINGTON—The Republican National Committee is sending shockwaves through the United States by releasing clearly undoctored photos of President Barack Obama romping with young, scantily clad women in the Oval Office. “It is with a heavy heart that we release these genuine and authentic photos depicting our president acting in a way that can only be described as unpresidential,” RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said at a hastily called press conference today. More.

Trump Names Tom Brady His Vice President Pick

File:Patriots_n_bush.jpg SIMI VALLEY, Calif.—Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump said last night he would name New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady his pick for vice president once he wins the nomination. “It’s going to take winners to turn this country around and Tom Brady is a winner, like me,” said Trump, who spoke shortly after the second Republican presidential nomination debate, hosted by CNN in this southern California suburban community. “Tom Brady wins on the football field and he wins in the court of law. I win in business and I win in politics. Together, we are a couple of winners and we’re going to make America a winner again.” Brady, a four-time Super Bowl champion as the quarterback of the Patriots, said he was humbled by the confidence Trump has placed in him but he also believes he can bring “a couple of tricks to the game” that will help him and Trump win in November and also help the United States win in the four years they’re in office. More.

Scientists Discover Formula for Trump’s Combover

mv File:Trump_SQ.pngScientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology released a paper yesterday cracking the physics behind the combover of Republican presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump and say the famous hairstyle stands as one of the most complex creations of mankind. “An amazing piece of work, a testament to the beauty of complex systems and of the world around us,” says Reynolds Aimsworth, professor of physics and mathematics at MIT and the lead author of the paper. Aimsworth says the combover is based on an inversion of a positive tangent-secant radian, something scientists didn’t believe was possible.” More.

Trump: ‘With My Many Bankruptcies, I’m the One to Lead the U.S. Into the Future’

File:Donald_Trump_Sr._at_Citizens_United_Freedom_Summit_in_Greenville_South_Carolina_May_2015_by_Michael_Vadon_12.jpg

Leading Republican presidential contender Donald Trump says he has the experience losing stockholders’ money to help the United States navigate the difficult world it faces as it transitions from being the world’s largest and most important economy to one that’s unable to fund basic services, repair its infrastructure, or educate its children beyond bible teachings. “What do you need when you enter bankruptcy?” Trump asked an audience of several thousand at a campaign stop in Ames, Iowa. “You need someone who knows how to get the best deal out of it, and no one knows how to get a better deal out of bankruptcy than me.” Trump told the crowd that he’s filed bankruptcy “more than anyone else in the world” and always comes out of the deal “with millions of dollars—millions!” while his creditors come out with “property that no one wants.” More.

4 Reasons Why Marco Rubio Has Already Sewn Up Republican Nomination

Husband Marco Rubio

The race for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination is up for grabs, with several serious candidates already declared or about to declare their candidacies. But is it really as wide open as many believe? In fact, behind closed doors, analysts say Florida Senator Marco Rubio has already locked up the nomination—for four unbeatable reasons. More.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00470MKFC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00470MKFC&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=4NXRQMQ2RFALVG3J

Advertisements