Martin O’Malley: ‘We’re Right Where We Want to Be’

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O’Malley: ‘Whoo-hoo!’

AMES, Iowa—Former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley says his 0.6 percent showing in the Iowa caucuses yesterday puts him “where we want to be” and leaves him “poised to win this thing” when Democrats hold their national convention in Philadelphia this summer.

“This is the result we we’re looking for!” an exuberant O’Malley said at his state campaign headquarters here. “The pollsters and the pundits have had months to tell the story they wanted to tell, but now we have actual concrete results and the voters have said, ‘We are the just-over-half-a-percent that want Martin O’Malley for president!'”

O’Malley finished the caucuses with 0.6 percent support, not enough to earn him a delegate to the convention in July, but enough to “put us on the map!” he says.

Former secretary of state Hillary Clinton finished with 49.9 percent and Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont with 49.5 percent. If these percentages hold, Clinton will amass 23 delegates and Sanders, 21.

O’Malley says his showing proves that Democrats want a third choice for their presidential nominee. “This isn’t a two-way race,” he says. “This is telling us voters want a three-way race, and that’s what they’re going to get!”

Next stop is New Hampshire, which holds the nation’s first primary. Polls are putting O’Malley in third place, with 0.5 percent of voter support as of February 2.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified) ek (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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