Sarah Palin on Trump: ‘We Need a Leader Who Hungers for the Spotlight’

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Understands hunger in America

AMES, Iowa—Former Alaska governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin endorsed real estate mogul Donald Trump for president yesterday, saying he is the one candidate who lives and breathes for the spotlight, a quality the United States needs in its leader. “Our country does not need another politician to debate the finer points of policy,” said Palin in her endorsement speech here. “Our country needs someone who hungers to be on TV, to be treated like a celebrity, to be famous. That is the quality we need in our president, and that is the quality we get with Donald Trump.”

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003PWDWIC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B003PWDWIC&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=W4D4KDQPPVTH7SYNPalin said she “totally gets” Trump. Like her, he’s willing to pretend he cares about abortion, religion, immigrants, and handouts to the poor, because he knows what it takes to get conservatives in the United States riled up. And the comparisons don’t stop there, she said.

“Just like I’ve had a lot of sex before I got married, and even had sex with a big basketball player, he’s been married a lot of times,” she said. “I did drugs, while he pretended he had a bad left foot, and then a  bad right foot, to get out of Vietnam. He used to be fine with health care reform and even welfare programs that help the poor. I used to just want to party and be on TV, even if it meant being a sports reporter and a beauty queen.”

The other similarity between the two of them, she added, is that she’s rich now, although not as rich as Trump. “What’s cool is that he had a dad who built a multi-million-dollar real estate business that he could just take over,” she said. “I didn’t have it so easy. I had to rely on my looks and ambition to get on TV and advance in politics. So, I’m more of an ‘up by my own bootstraps’ kind of gal. But we’re in the same place now, and that’s why I’m endorsing him for president and not the more ideologically pure Ted Cruz [Republican senator from Texas]. I don’t have a good handle on Cruz. But, do I have a good handle on Donald Trump? You bet I do!”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: sg (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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GOP Calls in Palin, Bachmann to Lend Gravitas to Weakening Trump Campaign

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Worried that Donald Trump’s focus on score-settling and conspiracy mongering is dooming Republicans’ chance of winning the White House, GOP leaders have asked party heavyweights Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann to help right the listing campaign. “Trump will be a good president because he understands the needs of hurting Americans, but we first need to win the presidency and we think that requires adding some intellectual heft to his campaign team,” says Reince Priebus, the Republican National Committee chair. “We are pleased to announce that two of our party’s most well-respected thought leaders, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and former Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, have agreed to return to the political fray on behalf of our nominee for president.” Palin, tapped to be the running mate of Sen. John McCain of Arizona when he was the Republican presidential nominee in 2008, is expected to bring considerable policy heft to the Trump effort. More.

Six Things Besides Racism That Sarah Palin Should Condone

ahFormer vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin said on her Facebook page in early April that we should all just condone racism as a way to make the world a better place. Here are six other things we think Palin should condone: White people. It’s not politically correct, but let’s give a shout out to the people who made this country great. More.

Jeb Bush to Bow Out of Presidential Race, Ask His One Supporter to Back Kasich

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IOWA CITY, Iowa—Former Fla. Gov. Jeb Bush, facing likely defeat in the Iowa caucuses on Monday, said he was pulling out of the race for the Republican nomination and asked his one supporter in the state, Ted Smith, to back Ohio Gov. John Kasich for president. “It’s with a heavy heart that I’m withdrawing from the race for president of the United States, but it’s the right thing to do for my family, my party, and my country,” Bush said to a mostly empty room at a Hyatt Hotel here. “I’ve tried to articulate a sensible plan for making America great while staying true to the country’s values, but voters are telling me it is not my time.” More.

Leaked GOP Memo Shows Trump Candidacy Based on Dr. Strangelove

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It’s all there. The insane general, the panicked president, the mad dash to stop the destruction, only the insane general is Sarah Palin, the Tea Party favorite who paved the way for the candidacy of Donald Trump on an unsuspecting nation, and the president is Reince Priebus, the chair of the Republican National Committee, who has been unable to stop the detonation of the Trump candidacy. A confidential memo drafted by RNC operatives and anonymously leaked to news outlets today reveals the stunning finding that the candidacy of Donald Trump was never supposed to happen. But Palin, by making political insanity the new normal for the GOP, showed The Donald the way. The result has been chaos. More.

Study: Caucuses Responsible for 40% of Iowa’s Economy

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Without its first-in-the nation caucuses every four years to kick start the presidential nomination process in the United States, Iowa would be about 40 percent poorer and would rely principally on federal transfer grants to sustain its agriculture-based economy, a report by the American Association of State Budget Officers (AASBO) finds. “The Iowa caucuses get a lot of attention for the disproportionate role they play in our national presidential election process, but what people don’t realize is that the caucuses play a disproportionate role in the state’s budget health,” says James Stewart, director of audits at AASBO. More.

Charlton Heston Endorses Trump

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DAVENPORT, Iowa—Following on the heels of the endorsement by dead American icon John Wayne, the late great actor and gun-rights activist Charlton Heston today endorsed the Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump. As with the Wayne endorsement, the announcement was made by the actor’s daughter on behalf of her dead father. “I’m sorry my dad couldn’t be here in person, but I know in my heart that he would want to endorse Donald Trump for president,” said Janet Smith-Heston at a news conference here. More.

Palin: Obama Prevents GOP From Being the Party of Personal Responsibility

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Former Alaska governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin said it’s President Barack Obama’s fault that Republicans are not the party of personal responsibility, as they used to be. “It would be nice if we, as Republicans, could once again be the party of personal responsibility, but unfortunately our current president makes that impossible,” Palin said in remarks she made yesterday in Ames, Iowa. “Taking responsibility for yourself, not pointing the finger at other people, is always what the Republican Party has been about. But, goodbye to that—thanks to Barack Hussein Obama.” More.

Parliament Votes to Allow Trump’s Combover Into Britain, But Not Trump

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LONDON—After a raucous parliamentary debate, members of the House of Commons voted to allow the combover of Donald Trump into Great Britain, should he be elected president of the United States, but Trump himself was not welcome. “We do not want to hold Donald Trump’s bigotry and nativism against his hair,” said Gavin Blair, an MP from the southwest district of London. Nigel Robinson, an MP from Birmingham, argued that the hair should be banned as well, but his argument left many unconvinced. “I made my case and I lost, and I accept that,” he said. “But I do believe his hair should not be allowed to get off scot free in this debate. My apologies to the Scots, who I hope won’t try to secede again.” More.

How Santorum Will Win the Republican Nomination and the Presidency

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Memo to Carly Fiorina: Actually, No One Wants to See You Debate Hillary

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For some reason, Republican presidential nominaton contestant Carly Fiorina thinks everyone in the United States wants to see her debate Hillary Clinton when the presidential race moves into the general election. Apparently, Fiorina thinks because she’s a rpwoman and Clinton is a woman, people want to see the debate. But, actually, no one wants to see them debate and in fact most people don’t even care that Fiorina is runninge”As far as I can tell, the only person who wants to see Hillary and Fiorina debate is Fiorina,” says John Stewart, a Republican political consultant who is not aligned with any candidate. More.

Slipping in Polls, Rand Paul Advised to Stop Playing Rush

Message for today?

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https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_3.jpgRepublican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump said last night in the latest national primary debate that he is the biggest asshole among contenders to lead the United States. But Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), who has been closing in on Trump in many national polls, said that he’s the biggest asshole. “You’re the loudest, Donald, but when it comes to promoting policies that marginalize the most people and give the greatest advantage to wealthy white people, I think I can say I have a record of accomplishment on that,” Cruz said last night in one of the largest applaud lines of the night. More.

Marla Maples: Despite Wealth, Donald Trump Is Not Well-Endowed

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Trump: To Get What You Want, You Must Alienate People

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Trump Names Tom Brady His Vice President Pick

File:Patriots_n_bush.jpg SIMI VALLEY, Calif.—Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump said last night he would name New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady his pick for vice president once he wins the nomination. “It’s going to take winners to turn this country around and Tom Brady is a winner, like me,” said Trump, who spoke shortly after the second Republican presidential nomination debate, hosted by CNN in this southern California suburban community. “Tom Brady wins on the football field and he wins in the court of law. I win in business and I win in politics. Together, we are a couple of winners and we’re going to make America a winner again.” Brady, a four-time Super Bowl champion as the quarterback of the Patriots, said he was humbled by the confidence Trump has placed in him but he also believes he can bring “a couple of tricks to the game” that will help him and Trump win in November and also help the United States win in the four years they’re in office. More.

Trump Combover Refuses to Back Eventual Republican Nominee

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Defying the Republican party establishment and even the person on whose head it sits, the combover of Republican presidential nomination frontrunner emphatically refused to give a blanket endorsement to whomever the party nominee turns out to be. “Unless the Republican presidential nominee in 2016 is someone I respect and trust with the awesome duties of the office of the president of the United States, I cannot sit here today on this head and say I will back the person who is ultimately nominated,” the combover said in a statement issued by a spokesperson. That position goes against the position of Donald Trump, the man on whose head the combover has sat for decades and who earlier this week promised to back the eventual Republican nominee. More.

Trump Combover Called ‘Perv’ for Sending Salacious Tweets

pd File:Donald_Trump_2_April_2015.jpg File:Anthonyweiner.jpgThe closely watched combover of Donald Trump has been sending sexually suggestive tweets and photos to several of its Twitter followers, federal investigators allege. If true, that could imperil the Republican presidential nomination frontrunner’s candidacy, analysts say. Jerome Casing, chief of social media security at the FBI’s Criminal, Cyber, Response, and Services Branch, says his team has been tracking the combover since April, when it received a tip from one of the hair’s followers that it has been embedding unwanted photos in innuendo-laden tweets. “All I can say is, we’re talking to the combover of Mr. Trump at this time about matters concerning communications on the Internet,” says Casing. “Beyond that we have no comment.” More.

X-Ray Analysis Exposes O’Donnell Tattoo Under Trump’s Combover

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Why does Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump maintain an elaborate combover rather than embrace his receding hairline? Investigators have provided a possible answer to that question by conducting an x-ray analysis of his forehead and revealing a tattooed image of long-time Trump nemesis Rosie O’Donnell, the TV personality and liberal political activist whom Trump has called “fat” and a “pig.” “This is truly an unexpected finding,” says Albert Sherzberg, professor of macro x-ray fluorescence spectroscopy at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who led the research effort. “I think I speak for many when I say I did not expect to find a tattoo of Rosie O’Donnell under Trump’s combover.” More.

Exclusive: Megyn Kelly Poster Seen in Room of Trump’s Combover

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An explosive photo leaked by the Associated Press today shows a poster of Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly in the bedroom of the iconic combover of Republican presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump. The poster depicts Kelly, the veteran TV journalist who sparred with Trump during the first Republican nomination debate last month in Cleveland over the real estate mogul’s treatment of women, framed in images of butterflies and love hearts. She is fully clothed. Since the debate, Kelly and Trump have been locked in a contentious public relations battle over their testy exchange, during which Trump had admitted calling TV host and political activist Rosie McDonnell “fat” and a “pig.” More.

Trump on Success: ‘Let Your Dad Start the Business’

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Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump says having a dad who starts a successful real estate business and then hands the business over to you is a great way to become rich like him. “That’s really the best way to amass wealth,” Trump said in an interview with Fox News today. “You gotta start rich and go to a good school, which being rich helps you get into.” In the interview, with Fox News’ Sean Hannity, Trump said that having your dad get rich first enables you to focus your attention on sexier but riskier types of businesses like beauty pageants, reality shows, casinos, and airlines. And it provides a cushion in case some of the businesses fail and you have to file for bankruptcy protection. “All in all, having a dad who paves the way is a really great way to become rich,” says Trump, 69. More.

Scientists Discover Formula for Trump’s Combover

mv File:Trump_SQ.pngScientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology released a paper yesterday cracking the physics behind the combover of Republican presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump and say the famous hairstyle stands as one of the most complex creations of mankind. “An amazing piece of work, a testament to the beauty of complex systems and of the world around us,” says Reynolds Aimsworth, professor of physics and mathematics at MIT and the lead author of the paper. Aimsworth says the combover is based on an inversion of a positive tangent-secant radian, something scientists didn’t believe was possible.” More.

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