How Santorum Will Win the Republican Nomination and the Presidency

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If only you knew what I know

Political analysts are giving former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum, who has less than 1 percent support in most national polls, virtually no chance at winning the Republican presidential nomination contest, let alone the presidency of the United States. But several political insiders say all the pieces are in place for the second-time presidential hopeful to surge into the lead and win the general election in November.

“What people don’t understand is that Santorum has a plan,” says Bill Davis, a Republican political strategist who is familiar with Santorum’s campaign operation but is not aligned with it. “His team has put together a 3-step plan that will in fact take him all the way to the White House.”

Davis wouldn’t make a copy of the blueprint available, but a copy is circulating online. The following three points are excerpted from that document:

  1. God will come down from the heavens and anoint Santorum his Chosen One shortly before the Republican national convention in Cleveland in October.
  2. Republican party delegates at the convention, at the command of the Supreme Being, will cast their vote for Santorum.
  3. As the Republican nominee, Santorum will evoke God’s Divine Intercession and win more votes than the Democratic party nominee in the general election.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015HE4V30/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B015HE4V30&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=PSYHRLYKWK33MBV7 M. MIchael Blundo, Jr., campaign manager for Santorum, says the primary election so far is playing out exactly as outlined in the plan.

“We are where we want to be,” he says. “We have the message. We have the messenger, and, more importantly, we have the Divine Backing to take us all the way to the White House.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: gs (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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Message for today?

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God (R-Heaven)

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