Marla Maples: Despite Family Wealth, Donald Trump Is Not Well-Endowed

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Donald_Trump_at_Citizens_United_Freedom_Summit_2015#/media/File:Donald_Trump_Sr._at_Citizens_United_Freedom_Summit_in_Greenville_South_Carolina_May_2015_by_Michael_Vadon_03.jpg

My endowment is HUGE

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Marla_Maples#/media/File:Marla_Maples_LF_crop.jpg https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Living_Room_of_Arabella_On_Boossa.jpg

Maples

Marla Maples, the former wife of Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump, says her former husband is endowed with wealth and a go-getter personality, but he is not well-endowed in the one aspect of his life he would like to be, and she thinks that this inadequacy is driving his presidential run.

“Do I think he feels small in that respect?” asked the one-time actress who was Trump’s wife from 1993 to 1997 and was known as the “other woman” when Trump was married to Ivana Trump. They had one daughter between them, Tiffany Trump, who today is known for her enthusiastic use of Instagram. “I do think he feels inadquate. Why would he want to run for president if he didn’t feel inadequate? Any man who is well-endowed does not feel the need to be in the public spotlight so much. He certainly doesn’t feel the need to put others down in public—you know, take someone down as a way to build himself up.”

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Donald_Trump#/media/File:Trump_and_Rodman_2009.jpg

Two well-endowed dudes?

Maples wouldn’t describe in concrete terms the size of Trump’s endowment, but she says it’s nothing like his outsized personality. “His personality is huge,” she says. “His ego is huge. But his endowment? Hah-hah!”

Maples says this fixation of her ex-husband is behind his obsession with the physical issues of others. “People have commented on his remarks about Carly Fiorina’s face, Megyn Kelly’s blood, Marco Rubio’s sweat, Hillary Clinton’s bathroom habits, and Jeb Bush’s lack of energy. Would he focus on these things if he were happy with his endowment? Hardly!”

She also says he would cut off his famous combover tomorrow if he were well-endowed, but since he’s not, he’s trying to compensate by pretending he has a full head of hair. “He’s also pretty funny looking as a dome-top,” she says. “Believe me, I know!”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): mv, lf, and rg (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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