Clearly Undoctored Photos Show Obama Cavorting with Young Women

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Miniskirts#/media/File:Miniskirts010.jpg https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Miniskirts#/media/File:Olympia_Fashion_Show_2010_(43).jpg https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Miniskirts#/media/File:Shenaz_Treasuryvala,_Pooja_Gujral,_Kavi_Shastri_at_the_launch_of_%27Main_Aur_Mr._Riight%27_(7).jpgWASHINGTON—The Republican National Committee is sending shockwaves through the United States by releasing clearly undoctored photos of President Barack Obama romping with young, scantily clad women in the Oval Office.

“It is with a heavy heart that we release these genuine and authentic photos depicting our president acting in a way that can only be described as unpresidential,” RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said at a hastily called press conference today. “At a time when our country must focus on its many challenges, today we sadly reveal photos that will not let us do that. It is also a sad day for the President’s family—his wife and his two daughters—who must now grapple with this personal crisis while we as a nation grapple with this latest political crisis.”

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:Crouching_women#/media/File:0-blonde-with-thong.JPGThe authentic photos, which the RNC says it discovered in a previously classified FBI file, show President Obama meeting with one or more young women. In one photo, three young women in short skirts appear to be greeting the President as he arrives at the oval office. They do not appear to be in the office on official business. A second photo shows the President playing what appears to be peek-a-boo with a women in revealing lingerie. And a third photo shows the President with his arm around a young blond woman wearing a green bikini.

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Really, Mr. President?

“If there was any doubt that this man is not fit to hold our highest office, that doubt should now be put to rest,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), the majority leader of the United States Senate. “We still have much to learn about these photos, but it’s clear we must take action without delay to remove this president from the office he has shown he’s not worthy of.”

Donald Trump, the frontrunner for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination, says the clearly genuine photos are shocking to a nation that is already reeling from President Obama’s incompetence. “These photos are huge,” he told a rally in Portsmouth, N.H., today. “They’re real and undoctored and will definitely end the presidency of this foreign-born person who was never qualified to be in office in the first place.”

Also speaking on the campaign trail, former Florida governor Jeb Bush said the country owes a “debt of gratitude to the brave person or persons who provided these genuine photos to the RNC.”

Priebus said the person who provided the authentic photos did so anonymously. He added that the FBI is conducting a forensic analysis to validate their genuine authenticity. “But make no mistake,” Priebus said. “There’s no doubt the events they depict occurred and that these events confirm that President Obama is unfit for office.”

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), the speaker of the House of Representatives, says he has asked the chairman of the Judiciary Committee to start impeachment proceedings immediately. “We cannot delay even a day,” Ryan said. “President Obama must be removed from office as soon as possible so our nation can heal from this shattering scandal.”

Not everyone agrees quick action is needed. A statement released jointly by Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.), the minority leader in the Senate, and Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), the minority leader in the House, said any action to begin impeachment proceedings is premature until more is known about the photos. “Although the pictures may raise questions, do we know the activities they depict are grounds for such a drastic step as impeachment?” the statement said. “On their face, there is no illegal or even immoral activity going on. What we’re seeing could very well be perfectly innocent, and we need to let the process play out to determine the facts.”

There has not yet been an official response from the White House, but Obama spokesperson Josh Earnest said informally the photos look pretty fake to him. “Frankly, my 13-year-old son could have done a better job Photoshopping these.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): bg (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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