Trump Combover Called ‘Perv’ for Sending Salacious Tweets

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Trump: ‘not a perv’

The closely watched combover of Donald Trump has been sending sexually suggestive tweets and photos to several of its Twitter followers, federal investigators allege. If true, that could imperil the Republican presidential nomination frontrunner’s candidacy, analysts say.

Jerome Casing, chief of social media security at the FBI’s Criminal, Cyber, Response, and Services Branch, says his team has been tracking the combover since April, when it received a tip from one of the hair’s followers that it has been embedding unwanted photos in innuendo-laden tweets.

“All I can say is, we’re talking to the combover of Mr. Trump at this time about matters concerning communications on the Internet,” says Casing. “Beyond that we have no comment.”

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Compromising position

Ashley Reynolds is a receptionist for a prominent law firm in Washington, D.C., and has stepped forward as one of the combover’s followers who claims to have received inappropriate messages from it.

“All I did one time was send a tweet saying I thought the combover was kind of cute and almost immediately I had a follow request,” says Reynolds, 28. “Of course I started following it, because Trump’s kind of a celebrity and he might be, like, leader of the free world, I think.”

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B012D8750Y/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B012D8750Y&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=EEVAP2OIAH2XV6KUAmong the tweets Reynolds says she received was one linking to a photo in which the hair “had nothing on. No hairspray, gel—nothing.”

Another boasted of being “straight and stiff, not curly and limp” like the hair of some of the other candidates.

“I was, like, ew, that is so gross,” says Reynolds.

Amanda Dooley, a housewife in Des Moines, Iowa, who says she was a supporter of Trump until she started receiving inappropriate tweets from his combover, says she “accidentally” clicked on some of the photos it sent. “One was of the combover while it was still in bed. Hair messed up—and nothing on,” she says.

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Two pervs in a pod?

The allegations come at a time when the spotlight is on Trump for taking several shots at Huma Abedin, a close advisor to potential presidential rival Hillary Clinton. Abedin is the wife of former Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner of New York, who resigned in 2011 after he admitted to sending compromising images of himself to some of his followers on Twitter.

At a fundraising event in Massachusetts earlier this week, Trump had called Weiner a “sleazebag” and a ”perv” and suggested his marriage to Abedin raised important questions since his wife is one of Clinton’s closest aides.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001D1FUL4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B001D1FUL4&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=LPSFSMJ6ZICVYP7PNow, with his own combover under the spotlight for doing precisely the same thing, Trump remains defiant. “Is my combover a ‘sleazebag’ and a ‘perv’?” he said yesterday at a news conference. “Of course not. It’s no mystery that the ruthless campaign team of Hillary Clinton is behind this smear, and I’m going to enjoy suing every one of her goons for this unconscionable act of character assassination. Is my combover the best-looking there is? Of course. And I know that women find it very sexy. I’ve been told that many times. In fact, I could name a few prominent women politicians who’ve told me they find it very sexy. But I won’t, because I’m not that kind of guy. But is my combover sending out pictures of itself? No, that part is a total set-up by a bunch of campaign losers who will soon be out of a job. Then you’ll see some pictures of people with their hair standing on end.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): mv1, hrj, and pd (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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