X-Ray Analysis Exposes O’Donnell Tattoo Under Trump’s Combover

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Frenemies?

Why does Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump maintain an elaborate combover rather than embrace his receding hairline? Investigators have provided a possible answer to that question by conducting an x-ray analysis of his forehead and revealing a tattooed image of long-time Trump nemesis Rosie O’Donnell, the TV personality and liberal political activist whom Trump has called “fat” and a “pig.”

“This is truly an unexpected finding,” says Albert Sherzberg, professor of macro x-ray fluorescence spectroscopy at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who led the research effort. “I think I speak for many when I say I did not expect to find a tattoo of Rosie O’Donnell under Trump’s combover.”

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Calling O’Donnell ‘fat’

Psychology Professor Martin Hedley of Harvard University says it’s not uncommon for people to publicly say one thing while harboring the opposite feelings in private, and Trump’s hidden O’Donnell tattoo appears to fit that mold.

“It’s like the pervert who condemns sex in public,” he says. “It makes perfect sense that Trump would

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Fluorescence spectrometer

disparage Rosie O’Donnell while secretly idolizing her.”

Trump’s presidential run has put under a spotlight his long-time feud with O’Donnell. During the first Republican nomination debate in Cleveland last month, Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly asked Trump whether he was fit to lead the United States given his history of insulting women. Trump made a point of saying his disparaging remarks were just directed at O’Donnell.

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To expose the hidden tattoo, researchers used the same technique that art analysts use to investigate the authenticity or evolution of ancient paintings. The technique is called scanning macro x-ray fluorescence spectroscopy and it provides a window into how a painting was created, layer by layer.

Sherzberg of MIT says he was watching the Republican debate on TV when he wondered whether fluorescence spectroscopy would enable him to see what lies beneath Trump’s combover, so he approached a colleague who has work with the Italian government to investigate several disputed works of Michelangelo. “We set about analyzing several photographs of Trump and in all of them, the result was the same: this tattoo of Rosie O’Donnell was underneath his combover.”

O’Donnell didn’t respond to requests for comment, but Nick Merrill, a spokesperson for Hillary Clinton, the frontrunner for the Democratic presidential nomination, says the tattoo is proof that Trump is “behind the times on women’s issues.”

A statement from the Trump campaign says the candidate does not recall visiting a tattoo parlor.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): mv-jc, pd, and mv (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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