The famous combover of Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump has been having an affair with lesbian comedian and activist Rosie O’Donnell and continues to meet with the TV personality on a weekly basis, investigators say.
“We can confirm that regular meetings between the combover and the comedian are occurring and have been occurring for several years,” says David Rosten, an attorney who has been retained by Fox News to look into allegations of the affair. Donald Trump is married, although his combover is not.
Roger Stone, a long-time associate of Trump who is now working independently of the candidate, says he’s also looked into the affair and is seeking media outlets to discuss his findings because American voters have a right to know about this important allegation.
“Should Donald Trump become president of the United States, what his hair is doing at the White House and elsewhere is of national importance,” he says. “Could the security of the United States be at risk because of something the combover has done? It’s possible. Could the economy be put at risk? Again, it’s possible, and the people must know.”
The combover has been part of Trump’s head for more than a decade and many analysts think it might be responsible for the rise in the polls by the real estate mogul and reality TV star since he declared his candidacy in June.
“Trump does the talking but it’s his combover that does the thinking,” says a person familiar with the inner workings of Trump’s operations who asked not to be identified because of the sensitivity of the topic. “For that reason, the fact of its affair with Rosie O’Donnell isn’t of minor importance. In fact, it would be an understatement to say that, politically, Trump and O’Donnell are at opposite ends of the spectrum. So, yes, this is a big deal.”
Trump himself took aim at O’Donnell last week during the first debate among Republican presidential contenders last week hosted by Fox News. In response to being charged with calling women “fat pigs” and “dogs,” Trump said he was only referring to Rosie O’Donnell. He them went on to tell debate moderator Megyn Kelly that he had a mind to jab back at her but he wouldn’t.
Trump and O’Donnell have long had a testy relationship. In 2006, the two squabbled over Trump’s decision to allow a contestant on the Miss USA beauty pageant, which he owns, to keep her crown after it was revealed she engaged in underage drinking and sexual activity. Their back-and-forth has continued since then.
According to several eye witnesses, Trump’s combover has taken O’Donnell out to dinner at some of New York City’s finest restaurants and has hosted her at Trump’s residence in New York City. “I won’t go into detail about what they did over there,” says one person who claims to have video of the evening. “But I can assure you, it isn’t something people of decent morals would want to know about. Indeed, it’s something you wish you would never have to think about. But, unfortunately, we do.”
Trump says the affair is a complete fabrication by the media, and, in any case, his combover is no lesbian. “No one knows my hair better than I do and I can tell you it has as much interest in Rosie O’Donnell as it does in apologizing to Megyn Kelly,” he says. “In other words, it’s got no interest. Rosie O’Donnell should be so lucky as to catch the eye of my comb-over. Another strike-out for the fat-pig set.”
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Defying the Republican party establishment and even the person on whose head it sits, the combover of Republican presidential nomination frontrunner emphatically refused to give a blanket endorsement to whomever the party nominee turns out to be. “Unless the Republican presidential nominee in 2016 is someone I respect and trust with the awesome duties of the office of the president of the United States, I cannot sit here today on this head and say I will back the person who is ultimately nominated,” the combover said in a statement issued by a spokesperson. That position goes against the position of Donald Trump, the man on whose head the combover has sat for decades and who earlier this week promised to back the eventual Republican nominee. More.
The closely watched combover of Donald Trump has been sending sexually suggestive tweets and photos to several of its Twitter followers, federal investigators allege. If true, that could imperil the Republican presidential nomination frontrunner’s candidacy, analysts say. Jerome Casing, chief of social media security at the FBI’s Criminal, Cyber, Response, and Services Branch, says his team has been tracking the combover since April, when it received a tip from one of the hair’s followers that it has been embedding unwanted photos in innuendo-laden tweets. “All I can say is, we’re talking to the combover of Mr. Trump at this time about matters concerning communications on the Internet,” says Casing. “Beyond that we have no comment.” More.
Why does Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump maintain an elaborate combover rather than embrace his receding hairline? Investigators have provided a possible answer to that question by conducting an x-ray analysis of his forehead and revealing a tattooed image of long-time Trump nemesis Rosie O’Donnell, the TV personality and liberal political activist whom Trump has called “fat” and a “pig.” “This is truly an unexpected finding,” says Albert Sherzberg, professor of macro x-ray fluorescence spectroscopy at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who led the research effort. “I think I speak for many when I say I did not expect to find a tattoo of Rosie O’Donnell under Trump’s combover.” More.
An explosive photo leaked by the Associated Press today shows a poster of Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly in the bedroom of the iconic combover of Republican presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump. The poster depicts Kelly, the veteran TV journalist who sparred with Trump during the first Republican nomination debate last month in Cleveland over the real estate mogul’s treatment of women, framed in images of butterflies and love hearts. She is fully clothed. Since the debate, Kelly and Trump have been locked in a contentious public relations battle over their testy exchange, during which Trump had admitted calling TV host and political activist Rosie McDonnell “fat” and a “pig.” More.
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Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology released a paper yesterday cracking the physics behind the combover of Republican presidential nominee frontrunner Donald Trump and say the famous hairstyle stands as one of the most complex creations of mankind. “An amazing piece of work, a testament to the beauty of complex systems and of the world around us,” says Reynolds Aimsworth, professor of physics and mathematics at MIT and the lead author of the paper. Aimsworth says the combover is based on an inversion of a positive tangent-secant radian, something scientists didn’t believe was possible.” More.
The combover of 2016 Republican presidential nominee contender Donald Trump is being hailed as a war hero for saving an injured soldier during the Iraq war. “There’s a very real chance that Private Benjamin Carter, a gunnery specialist with the 1st Battalion 7th Marines that helped librate Baghdad in 2003, would not be here today if it weren’t for the comb-over of Donald Trump,” says Major Bill Nelson of the U.S. Marine Corps. “People today throw around the word ‘hero’ loosely. But I can say without qualification that Trump’s combover is indeed a true Amercan hero.” The combover, which has been part of Trump’s head since he started losing his hair in the late 1990s, was on tour in Iraq with the 1st Battalion 7th Marines as a private contractor. More.
The iconic combover of real estate billionaire and 2016 presidential aspirant Donald Trump is under investigation by U.S. immigration authorities on suspicion of being in the United States illegally. “We can only confirm that the combover of Donald Trump is a thing of interest to the United States concerning its immigration status and beyond that we have no comment,” John Goodman, director of fraud detection and national security for the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), says in statement released by the agency today. April Sayers, a spokesperson for Trump, calls the allegation ridiculous. “Mr. Trump eagerly awaits the agency’s report and certainly expects his hair to be exonerated,” she says. More.
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