Donald Trump’s Combover in Torrid Affair with Rosie O’Donnell

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‘No affair with hair’

The famous combover of Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump has been having an affair with lesbian comedian and activist Rosie O’Donnell and continues to meet with the TV personality on a weekly basis, investigators say.

“We can confirm that regular meetings between the combover and the comedian are occurring and have been occurring for several years,” says David Rosten, an attorney who has been retained by Fox News to look into allegations of the affair. Donald Trump is married, although his combover is not.

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Un-retouched image

Roger Stone, a long-time associate of Trump who is now working independently of the candidate, says he’s also looked into the affair and is seeking media outlets to discuss his findings because American voters have a right to know about this important allegation.

“Should Donald Trump become president of the United States, what his hair is doing at the White House and elsewhere is of national importance,” he says. “Could the security of the United States be at risk because of something the combover has done? It’s possible. Could the economy be put at risk? Again, it’s possible, and the people must know.”

The combover has been part of Trump’s head for more than a decade and many analysts think it might be responsible for the rise in the polls by the real estate mogul and reality TV star since he declared his candidacy in June.

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Does the talking

“Trump does the talking but it’s his combover that does the thinking,” says a person familiar with the inner workings of Trump’s operations who asked not to be identified because of the sensitivity of the topic. “For that reason, the fact of its affair with Rosie O’Donnell isn’t of minor importance. In fact, it would be an understatement to say that, politically, Trump and O’Donnell are at opposite ends of the spectrum. So, yes, this is a big deal.”

Trump himself took aim at O’Donnell last week during the first debate among Republican presidential contenders last week hosted by Fox News. In response to being charged with calling women “fat pigs” and “dogs,” Trump said he was only referring to Rosie O’Donnell. He them went on to tell debate moderator Megyn Kelly that he had a mind to jab back at her but he wouldn’t.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0121RJWW6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0121RJWW6&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=JCX5CKGLS5CLJJAQTrump and O’Donnell have long had a testy relationship. In 2006, the two squabbled over Trump’s decision to allow a contestant on the Miss USA beauty pageant, which he owns, to keep her crown after it was revealed she engaged in underage drinking and sexual activity. Their back-and-forth has continued since then.

According to several eye witnesses, Trump’s combover has taken O’Donnell out to dinner at some of New York City’s finest restaurants and has hosted her at Trump’s residence in New York City. “I won’t go into detail about what they did over there,” says one person who claims to have video of the evening. “But I can assure you, it isn’t something people of decent morals would want to know about. Indeed, it’s something you wish you would never have to think about. But, unfortunately, we do.”

Trump says the affair is a complete fabrication by the media, and, in any case, his combover is no lesbian. “No one knows my hair better than I do and I can tell you it has as much interest in Rosie O’Donnell as it does in apologizing to Megyn Kelly,” he says. “In other words, it’s got no interest. Rosie O’Donnell should be so lucky as to catch the eye of my comb-over. Another strike-out for the fat-pig set.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): jps, jc-co, and mv (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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