Congress Passes Bill Outlawing Creepy, Creepy Clowns

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Heh-heh?

Calling clowns creepy and not funny, lawmkers in both houses of Congress today passed legislation outlawing entertainers who wear makeup, big red noses, and floppy shoes in a belief that people find them funny.

“I know there’s a tradition, dating back to the days of court jesters, of entertaining audiences by wearing costumes and makeup in goofy ways while engaging in antics, often with balls or bicycles,” says Rep. Snowden Baxter (R-Texas), principal sponsor of the legislation. “But not all traditions are destined to survive in perpetuity, and clowns are one of those traditions whose time should come to an end.”

Baxter pointed to overwhelming support from members of both parties for his bill and cited it as an example of the kinds of things Congress can get done when the need is clear and compelling.

“No more should clowns make small children cry and the skin of adults crawl,” says Sen. Susan Mayer (D-Maine). “I know rodeos and parades will be different without them, and that’s the point.”

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Ha-ha?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000VLVQF6/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000VLVQF6&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=VBWRNSU6LNQE5QDYClowns are modern-day equivalents of court jesters, who donned hats and wore other colorful, absurd clothes in an effort to make clear their actions were not intended to be taken seriously. By creating this difference between themselves and their audiences, jesters, and later clowns, were able to say and do things that would otherwise not be appropriate in polite company.

“They were truth-tellers,” says Albert Smith, a historian at Cornell University who has written about clowns in his book, Jesting in Sadness (Knoph: 2014). “Clowns often wear sad faces and their humor often has a sad edge to it because they’re expressing the burden of knowledge and the sadness of life that regular people can’t express without violating unwritten and unspoken cultural norms.”

Be that as it may, people don’t enjoy clowns and even find that the humor, such as it is, often cannot rise above the creep factor that so many people feel in their presence, according to experts.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003Y97V8I/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B003Y97V8I&linkCode=as2&tag=mediab-20&linkId=QC2ZJPIEB36QSJ2E “Every time I see a clown I want to go home and take a shower afterwards” says Ashley Pines, a recent graduate of the University of Delaware who has not gone to a parade since she was 10 years old because she doesn’t like to put herself in close proximity to clowns.

Yes, they’re freakin’ weird as hell,” says Doug Glenn, an auto mechanic in Fort Wayne, Ind. “You know, they’re not funny and so I think, What’s the point? If anything, they’re kind of sad, like they want to kill themselves. How is that funny?”

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0017W5ZMS/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0017W5ZMS&linkCode=as2&tag=mediab-20&linkId=PG6DJU3YVELRZKVW Although the legislation passed easily, the Circus Entertainer Society of America lobbied heavily to defeat it, but few lawmakers took their side. “The clown group made a very strong case for themselves, but they just couldn’t cut through the fear factor,” says Rep. Steven Little (R-Okla.), one of the few legislators to oppose the bill. “I actually like clowns myself. I really don’t see what the problem is. But obviously more people don’t share my view than do.”

President Obama has said he will sign the bill. “I’m glad Congress has been able to come together in such a bipartisan way to put behind us what has been such a nightmare for so many people,” he said in a statement after the bill passed. “No longer will children be frightened by these scary people, and no longer will the skin of older people crawl. We are coming together as a nation to end this terrible and rarely funny form of humor and blot on our lives.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): jdg and mab (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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