Not Enough Blinking Lights and Bleeping Noises, World Says

worldManufacturers and technology companies have failed to blanket the living environment with blinking lights and bleeping noises even though they’ve had the capability to do so for many years, the world says. Until blinking lights and bleeping noises fill all living spaces at all times, there will be operations and processes that won’t be sufficiently signaled for people the world over to be sufficiently signaled about every process and operation.

“As hard as it is to believe, it’s possible today to go from your home to your car without being signaled by a blinking light or a bleeping noise alerting you to an operation or process that has occurred and that could affect you,” says the world. “Has the newspaper arrived at your doorstep? Have your sprinklers been turned on to water your grass? These are the kinds of processes and operations today that remain un-signaled with a blinking light or bleeping noise. Manufacturers and technology companies clearly have more work to do.”

The world issued its report on the state of blinking lights and bleeping noises today, and the results are wide-ranging:

  • 90 percent of living continues to happen without blinking lights or bleeping noises
  • “Legacy” operations and processes, such as newspaper delivery, are almost entirely done without blinking lights or bleeping noises
  • Even with operations and processes that use blinking lights or bleeping noises on a regular basis, such as operations and processes conducted on desktop, laptop, or tablet computers, it remains possible to engage with those devices for minutes at a time without being signaled by blinking lights or bleeping noises
  • In remote environments, including deserts and forests, little if any blinking lights or beeping noises are available

quote“To have as much of our environment as we have without blinking lights or bleeping noises is unacceptable,” says the world in its report. “As a result, operations and processes are happening all around us that are not being signaled by blinking lights or bleeping noises, leaving many in the world un-signaled about operations or processes that are taking place or are about to take place.”

In its report, the world calls on manufacturers and technology companies to increase the use of blinking lights and bleeping noises by 10 percent a year until operations and processes in 90 percent of environments are signaled by blinking lights and bleeping noises. After that, manufacturers and technology companies are recommended to work “diligently” to fill in the remaining environments with blinking lights and bleeping noises.

The world is comprised of the 7.2 billion people on earth. Six people published dissents, saying the world already has enough blinking lights and bleeping noises.

Access the report, “Blinking Lights and Bleeping Noises: A Status Update for 2015,” at the website of the world.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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