Maladjusted Men Don’t Kill People; Maladjusted Men with Guns Kill People

lonerThanks to the push to gut gun laws and make it harder to prosecute shooters, maladjusted men who would otherwise be content to stay in their rooms playing violent video games increasingly have the chance to pack heat and show people they don’t like who’s in charge.

“I don’t have the guts to actually talk to people, but I don’t need to even try anymore because I can just get me a gun or two and deal with my problems that way,” says Jeremy Flynn, 24, a maladjusted man who nurses a lot of grudges against the world. “I grew up playing video games in which the winners maim or kill more people than others maim or kill, and that was fine for my youth. Now that I’m an adult, I want to take my hatred to the next level. I’m just glad the National Rifle Association has my back, because now I can get all the guns I want and really do my carnage right.”

rrPsychologists say they’re seeing more passive-aggressiveness in people, particularly young men, and research is underway to identify what’s contributing to that. But in the meantime, what’s clear is that the movement in the United States to fetishize guns is having a tremendous impact on this growing segment of the population. “These young men are responding to the fetishization of guns in a way the NRA must be extremely proud of,” says Bill Turner, a professor of psychology at the State University of New York in Binghamton. “Because now young men who before would just brood quietly in their basement are now coming out, emboldened by the sense of power that guns give them.”

Sam Payne, a young man who kept to himself in school and hasn’t been able to hold a job as an adult, says he’s thinking about getting some guns and learning how to use them. He plans to pose in front of a mirror with them and maybe take some pictures of himself in fierce poses. “I like the idea of holding up my guns and taking a selfie of me saying ‘Fuck you!’ to the world. I might do a video, actually.”

Payne says he never thought of guns when he was younger, but in the last 10 years or so, with the NRA pushing to make guns more accessible and to turn them into objects of fetishistic fantasy, he got the idea that he would like to own a gun. “That was a game-changer for me,” he says. “One day I just got the idea in my head that I could be the guy holding that gun and making the world feel my hatred. It was empowering in a way I had never experienced before. I think the gun rights lobby is doing a tremendous favor to all of us passive-aggressive twerps, because it’s saying, ‘Hey, if you don’t feel quite square with the world, don’t worry about it. You can stick it to the world before you kill yourself by taking out a few well-adjusted people first. Don’t just sit in your basement playing games and jacking off. Go out with a bang!’ That was a revelation, man. The NRA really knows what it’s about.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photo (modified): kb and rr (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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