Thanks to the push to gut gun laws and make it harder to prosecute shooters, maladjusted men who would otherwise be content to stay in their rooms playing violent video games increasingly have the chance to pack heat and show people they don’t like who’s in charge.
“I don’t have the guts to actually talk to people, but I don’t need to even try anymore because I can just get me a gun or two and deal with my problems that way,” says Jeremy Flynn, 24, a maladjusted man who nurses a lot of grudges against the world. “I grew up playing video games in which the winners maim or kill more people than others maim or kill, and that was fine for my youth. Now that I’m an adult, I want to take my hatred to the next level. I’m just glad the National Rifle Association has my back, because now I can get all the guns I want and really do my carnage right.”
Psychologists say they’re seeing more passive-aggressiveness in people, particularly young men, and research is underway to identify what’s contributing to that. But in the meantime, what’s clear is that the movement in the United States to fetishize guns is having a tremendous impact on this growing segment of the population. “These young men are responding to the fetishization of guns in a way the NRA must be extremely proud of,” says Bill Turner, a professor of psychology at the State University of New York in Binghamton. “Because now young men who before would just brood quietly in their basement are now coming out, emboldened by the sense of power that guns give them.”
Sam Payne, a young man who kept to himself in school and hasn’t been able to hold a job as an adult, says he’s thinking about getting some guns and learning how to use them. He plans to pose in front of a mirror with them and maybe take some pictures of himself in fierce poses. “I like the idea of holding up my guns and taking a selfie of me saying ‘Fuck you!’ to the world. I might do a video, actually.”
Payne says he never thought of guns when he was younger, but in the last 10 years or so, with the NRA pushing to make guns more accessible and to turn them into objects of fetishistic fantasy, he got the idea that he would like to own a gun. “That was a game-changer for me,” he says. “One day I just got the idea in my head that I could be the guy holding that gun and making the world feel my hatred. It was empowering in a way I had never experienced before. I think the gun rights lobby is doing a tremendous favor to all of us passive-aggressive twerps, because it’s saying, ‘Hey, if you don’t feel quite square with the world, don’t worry about it. You can stick it to the world before you kill yourself by taking out a few well-adjusted people first. Don’t just sit in your basement playing games and jacking off. Go out with a bang!’ That was a revelation, man. The NRA really knows what it’s about.”
This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photo (modified): kb and rr (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
The U.S. Secret Service has barred guns from the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this summer, dealing a blow to gun rights activists who argued in a petition that they would be “sitting ducks” without the ability to participate in convention events armed. The Secret Service, which has authorization under federal law to permit or ban guns in areas under its protection, said the presence of guns among attendees would make it difficult to secure the convention area. “Individuals determined to be carrying firearms will not be allowed past a predetermined outer perimeter checkpoint, regardless of whether they possess a ticket to the event,” the agency said in a statement. More.
Ammond Bundy, the leader of self-described militiamen men who have taken over the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in southeastern Oregon to protest the jailing of ranchers who set nearby land on fire, says what he and the others are doing represents America because they wear cowboy hats. “What we’re doing is right and proper because real Americans wear cowboy hats, and that’s what we’re wearing,” says Bundy, 45. Bundy says he and his men also “dress like cowboys and ride horses,” so there should be no concern among Americans that what they’re doing is wrong. More.
President Barack Obama said the latest mass shooting, at the Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Ore., is another reminder the United States must take action on guns, but because the National Rifle Association is so scary, he knows nothing will happen. “Would we like something to happen?” he said in his remarks in the James Brady White House Press Office today. “Of course. Who wouldn’t? But when you have an organization that’s as scary as the NRA defending gun rights, there’s no way you’re gong to get any action taken.” Obama says he favors tighter and more expanded background checks and limits on the sale of automatic weapons. He also favors allowing states and municipalities to curb gun sales in their jurisdictions. More.
WASHINGTON—The National Rifle Association today staged a protest outside the U.S. Department of Transportation here against that agency’s ban on privately owned military assult-styled vehicles on federally funded highways. “It looks like Barack Hussein Obama wants to make sure only the government has the right to bear arms when those arms are attached to motorized vehicles,” NRA President Wayne LaPierre said at the protest, which involved blocking Constitution Ave. with dozens of privately owned vehicles adapted to accommodate military-styled automatic weapons, including several with grenade launchers. “Well, the U.S. Constitution makes clear that guns don’t have to be carried on one’s person for us to enjoy the freedom to have them. Just because they’re mounted on vehicles doesn’t make us any less free to carry our guns.” More.
Calling clowns creepy and not funny, lawmkers in both houses of Congress today passed legislation outlawing entertainers who wear makeup, big red noses, and floppy shoes in a belief that people find them funny. “I know there’s a tradition, dating back to the days of court jesters, of entertaining audiences by wearing costumes and makeup in goofy ways while engaging in antics, often with balls or bicycles,” says Rep. Snowden Baxter (R-Texas), principal sponsor the legislation. “But not all traditions are destined to survive in perpetuity, and clowns are one of those traditions whose time should come to an end.” Baxter pointed to overwhelming support from members of both parties for his bill and cited it as an example of the kinds of things Congress can get done when the need is clear and compelling. More.
The long-brewing debate over the accuracy of the psychiatry profession’s bible, called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) of Mental Disorders, came to a head this week as the American Psychiatric Association released the sixth edition of the 900-page book, and realized that 100 percent of Americans are now classified as having a mental disorder. “We feared this was going to happen,” says Jim Dulaney, professor emeritus at Columbia University and chair of the American Psychiatric Association. “Every time we update the DSM, more Americans fall under one of its disorders. Now we’re at the point where all Americans fall under one of its disorders, so we either have to reevaluate how we define mental illness in this country or we’re all really sick.” More.
ATLANTA—Several drunks at McCabe’s in the Grant Park district here shot each other yesterday after one of the men bought a round of drinks to celebrate the new state law allowing guns in bars. “It’s unfortunate three otherwise good, healthy Americans are dead, but the more important thing is that we have a law in this state that preserves Americans’ liberty to kill themselves and others when they’re drunk,” says Jim Fleming, an electrician in Cabbagetown who was at the bar at the time of the shooting. “No one likes to see people killed, but neither do people like to see government try to take away our right to have guns where people gather to become intoxicated,” says Elliot Harper, a long-time patron of McCabe’s. “The U.S. Declaration of Independence makes clear that the right to own guns hinges on our need for a well-regulated militia, and you clearly can’t have a well-regulated militia unless people can shoot one another in bars when they’re drunk.” More.
WASHINGTON—Buoyed by the success of its effort to get “Stand Your Ground” laws passed in states throughout the country, the National Rifle Association today launched a nationwide campaign to get “Not Liking Your Looks” laws passed. “Every day people are terrorized by people who look at them in ways that are menacing or intimidating,” NRA CEO and Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre said at a press conference here. “Americans shouldn’t have to stand for that, not when we have a Constitutional right to own and use guns, because every confrontation starts with a look. Under our reasonable and sensible ‘Not LIking Your Looks” laws, law-abiding Americans can head off dangerous confrontations by firing the first shot and stopping a confrontation before it starts.” More.
FAIRFAX, Va.—A gathering of top scholars among gun rights advocates meeting at the headquarters of the National Rifle Association yesterday remained divided and perplexed by the words “well regulated” in the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. “It’s a term that has always been a mystery to gun rights advocates, but I think we made considerable progress in nailing down what the Founding Fathers of the United States meant by it,” says Leonard Clounts, a constitutional scholar at Sam Houston University in Texas and chair of an NRA task force that’s been asked to forge a policy statement on the meaning of the term. The text of the Second Amendment, as adopted and made part of the Constitution in 1791, reads as follows: “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” More.
Thousands of families in cities across the United States today thanked the National Rifle Association for instilling a culture of fear throughout America with its demonization of anyone who talks about regulations to keep automatic weapons out of the hands of criminals and people with a history of mental illness. “It’s with our deepest gratitude that we, families of America, extend our thanks to the National Rifle Association for everything it has done to create ‘communities of fear’ across our great country,” the families said in a statement released today. “Thanks to its resolute stand that families like ours should take our security in our own hands, whether by hiring private security guards or keeping guns under our pillow at night, we live in a growing state of fear and distrust. And that’s something the NRA deserves credit for.” More.
WASHINGTON—The National Rifle Association yesterday filed a lawsuit in U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia seeking a cease-and-desist order against the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence on the grounds that the group’s activities are unconstitutional since gun ownership in the United States is protected by the U.S. Constitution. “Given that the protection of gun ownership is explicit in the U.S. Constitution, any activities to stem gun ownership, and by extension, any groups whose mission is to stem gun ownership, is de facto unconstitutional in the United States,” the NRA says in its lawsuit. The gun-right’s group, based in Fairfax, Va., is seeking class action status of its lawsuit, which, if granted, will outlaw all organizations in the United States whose mission is the regulation of gun ownership. More.
Gun enthusiasts say the millions of guns that flow across the border illegally for use by drug cartels in their war against the Mexican government must stop if mass killers in the U.S. are to reach the success level they’re capable of. “Right now, can an unstable young man in the United States be all that he can be when he’s ready to start spraying random people with bullets? I don’t think so,” says Grit Thorniker, president of the American Alliance for Personal Weapons Rights. “Our gun manufacturers are already operating at maximum capacity. Once more deranged loners come out of the woodwork, will we be able to meet their needs?” More.
WASHINGTON, D.C.–A gun rights activist who thinks anyone who favors gun control of any type is a “socialist elitist who hates America” accidentally shot off his nose yesterday while at a rally here celebrating the second part of the Second Amendment to the United States Constitution. “Nobe ub dis chages my biew dat weal Americans strap guns around der legs,” says John (“J.D.”) Ray, the activist, from his room at George Washington University Hospital in Washington. Doctors treating the activist say they are attempting to reconstruct his nose using tissue from other parts of his body because the accidental point-blank shot left nothing of Ray’s original nose to work with. More.