Despite being the governor of Louisiana, the vice chair of the Republican Governors Association, and a politician harboring national ambitions, Bobby Jindal will never be president of the United States.
“Gov. Jindel has been running for president since 1971, but if he carries even three states in the 2016 primaries, it’ll be a miracle,” says Norman Mills, a Republican political consultant who most recently worked on former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney’s unsuccessful 2012 presidential bid. “No one knows anything about Bobby Jidnel except that he’s Indian, is governor of some state or other, and that he pretends to be conservative.”
“Gov. Jendal? Jindle? Jundel?” That’s a typical reaction of a potential voter here in Des Moines, Iowa, where any potential 2016 presidential candidate has to pass muster to become a serious contender. Every four years the Iowa caucuses are the first test of strength for Republican presidential candidates, and although the caucuses are notoriously bad at selecting the eventual nominee, the contest remains an important test for candidates to show their ability to get Republican voters excited.
“I’m certain I’ve heard the name Gov. Jindel before, but I’m just not sure what I know about him,” says Pete Davis, a retired insurance adjuster in Des Moines who has been active in local Republican politics for the last decade. It’s activists like Davis that Gov. Jendal will have to win over to boost his chances in the Iowa caucuses, say campaign strategists.
“If you can’t excite the base in Iowa, you start at a tremendous disadvantage,” says Stearns Green, a political strategist who has worked on the successful gubernatorial bids of Scott Walker of Wisconsin and Rick Scott of Florida.”
More of a handicap than not being known is what people do know of Gov. Jundal, says Andrea Bevenia, professor of political science at George Mason University in Virginia. “What people know is that his name comes up briefly whenever pundits talk about 2016 presidential aspirants,” says Bevinia. “That’s not necessarily a plus, because ‘Jendle’ doesn’t conjure up any images except that he seems to be running, so is he more interested in higher office than in running his own state, whichever state that is? Is he the guy from Wisconsin? Minnesota? What the hell state is he from? No one can remember. The other thing people might associate with him is that he tries to come across as a conservative, but it doesn’t really suit him when you see him. It seems like he just adopted conservative positions because that’s the character of the times. What does he really stand for, and does it even matter, because he won’t be elected anyway?”
“I served with Bobby Jidnal,” says conservative darling Sarah Palin, former Alaska Gov. and 2008 vice presidential candidate. “I know Bobby Jandal. Bobby Jidan is a friend of mine. And Bobby Jandle is no Bobby Jennel.”
And Bobby Jindal will never become president of the United States.
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional article not meant to be taken seriously. Photo composite: ip (modified, Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of image.
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