Families Thank NRA for Creating ‘Communities of Fear’

Thousands of families in cities across the United States today thanked the National Rifle Association for instilling a culture of fear throughout America with its demonization of anyone who talks about regulations to keep automatic weapons out of the hands of criminals and people with a history of mental illness.

fear“It’s with our deepest gratitude that we, families of America, extend our thanks to the National Rifle Association for everything it has done to create ‘communities of fear’ across our great country,” the families said in a statement released today. “Thanks to its resolute stand that families like ours should take our security in our own hands, whether by hiring private security guards or keeping guns under our pillow at night, we live in a growing state of fear and distrust. And that’s something the NRA deserves credit for.”

John Pleyer, an auto mechanic in Boise, Idaho, said he never used to think about his personal safety or the safety of his family, but over the past several years, as people with mental disorders and criminal records increasingly shoot people, whether randomly or out of a grievance, safety issues have come to the fore in his mind. “Now I think about safety all the time,” he says. “I’m no longer as trusting as I was, and time that I used to spend thinking about other things, I now spend in a state of increasing paranoia. Luckily, the NRA has fueled that, because it reminds me that I should take safety in my own hands and carry a gun with me when I go shopping or even to a bar for a drink. That way, if someone looks at me wrong, I can shoot that person before he looks at me wrong a second time.”

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/156170640X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=156170640X&linkCode=as2&tag=mediab-20&linkId=JBGW4C75XAJOUJHTSeveral families in Fresno, Calif., have teamed up to hire their own shared security guard. The safety professional patrols their once-placid neighborhood looking for people who “look the wrong way,” says Bill Nancer, one of the home owners who has hired the guard. “America isn’t about being happy,” he says. “It’s about being in a state of lockdown so we can head-off violence before it occurs. I used to think we should make it harder for criminals and those with a history of mental illness to buy a gun, or at least more than one gun, but now I think we should all be on lockdown, hire personal security services, and not let people whose looks we don’t like make us sorry we don’t have a gun.”

In proclaiming their thanks to the NRA, the thousands of families participating in the rallies have contributed money to a fund, called the Barry Seedmins Memorial Fund, to help buy a semi-automatic weapon to anyone who can show a need for it but lacks the financial means to buy one on their own. “Owning a semi-automatic weapon is a right of all Americans,” says Hazel Bleems of Sarasota, Fla., who participated in the “Thank You, NRA” rally in her community. “No one should be denied that weapon, so by contributing to the fund, we’re helping people realize the American Dream of lockdown communities in which people live in fear and distrust.” The fund is named after Barry Seedmins, a victim of gun violence.

“Thank you, NRA,” says Bleems. “The more weapons people have, the more fear and the greater distrust in our communities. That’s good for security companies. It’s good for gun and ammunition manufacturers. And it’s good for groups that peddle hate and prejudice. That means it’s good for America.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photo (modified): wmn (Creative Commons)—not necessarily an endorsed use of image

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