Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin implemented sweeping guardianship laws yesterday that prohibit men from doing many of the things they’ve been accustomed to doing, like marrying without their mother’s permission, leaving the house without a female escort, and signing contracts without a female co-signature.
“Men have been responsible for most of the disasters in the world throughout history, including wars, environmental destruction, and domestic violence,” says Fallin, who was elected Oklahoma’s first woman governor in 2011. “It’s time to stop the madness, so as of yesterday, thanks to the law passed by our state legislature, men can only marry with their mother’s permission and can leave the house only when accompanied by a woman, among other provisions that serve to protect men, women, and in fact our communities.”
Fallin said she and a team of lawmakers from the state legislature consulted extensively with experts in guardianship laws and paid visits to Saudi Arabia and Yemen, two countries in which guardianship laws are in effect, although they apply to women rather than men.
“I liked what I saw in Yemen,” sys Fallin, “except they have it backwards: it should be the men who are restricted and not the women. But we’ve corrected that in Oklahoma and I think it’s going to be good.”
Under Oklahoma’s new law, women have the right to exercise polyandry, which permits them to have multiple husbands. “In some ways, men are only half a person, and maybe even not that, so polyandry is simply an acknowledgement that a woman can choose to marry several men in the hopes of getting the equivalent of one good man,” she says.
Already the law has thrown the state into turmoil, as taxicabs, with no men to drive them, sit idle, businesses open late or not at all as men wait for women to escort them to work, and arrests made as thousands of men are rounded up for being outside alone or signing contracts by themselves, among other violations.
“It’s chaos,” says Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt. “In every city and town, women law enforcement officers are scrambling. But our women officers for handling this remarkably well, which of course we expected, since women can be counted on to do things better than men, which is why we have this law.”
Pruitt, who spoke to reporters from his home because his wife is working as a law enforcement officer on a temporary basis and couldn’t accompany him out, says he likes working from home and doesn’t understand why women who face restrictions in other countries don’t just sit back and enjoy the easy living. “Hanging out in your bathrobe? What’s not to like?” he says.
Jennifer Stearns, a homemaker in Tulsa, says she had doubts about the law at first, but once she went outside and every man she passed was accompanied by a woman, she was won over. “I can’t tell you what a relief it is to walk down the street and not be intimidated by men walking past you or behind you,” she says. “Men should never be allowed to walk around by themselves, especially in packs. So, this part of the law I like.”
Patsy Walker, also a homemaker, says she’s thinking of taking on several husbands, because the one she has now is “kind of a dud. I mean, he has a job, which I like, but in other ways he’s just not doing much for me. But there are a couple of men I like who I think will really spice things up, so I am definitely thinking big. Plus, it would be great to have three or four incomes coming in instead of just one. Although getting them all to work in the morning wil be a trick, because I would have to accompany each one separately or hire someone to go with them. But that’s just a detail to be worked out. All in all, I’m liking this law a lot.”
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Katie Peterson, an insurance adjuster who considers herself a naturalist and enjoys going to beaches and other places where she can be outside without her clothes on, says she sometimes wonders what the hell she’s doing. “When we were living in caves and fending off saber-toothed tigers, we couldn’t wait to invent clothes,” she says, “and here I am taking my clothes off. Am I a complete whack job?” Thoughts like that don’t occur often, but when they do, they can make her wonder if she has a screw loose. “On a typical day I’ll go out and enjoy having my clothes off,” she says. “I’ll think, ‘Hey, we’re all just animals and I like the sun warming my skin and the wind tickling the hair on my arms.’ But on other days I think I must be a freak.” More.
Have you gotten your Texas in yet? If you haven’t, there are professionals you can call to help you manage your Texas and get it turned into the federal government before the April 15 deadline. Or, if you don’t want to pay for that kind of help, you can access free software on the Internet that helps you get your Texas in. “It’s always a scramble this time of year as people realize they only have a week before they have to get their Texas in,” says John Arnold, a professional who helps people get their Texas in. “They put it off and put it off until they say, ‘Okay, I can’t put it off anymore. I have to get my Texas in.'” More.
Cross-dressing Society Sues Garment Industry for Not Making Women’s Clothes That Fit Men, and Vice Versa
Calling it “unconscionable” that no women’s clothes are made to fit men, and vice versa, the North American Cross-Dressing Society filed lawsuits in the United States and Canada today against the garment industry in the hopes of forcing manufacturers to end size discrimination. “These lawsuits are for cross-dressers everywhere who are tired of the slim pickings they find at clothing racks across the United States and Canada,” says John Sebers, president of the cross-dressers group and a cross-dresser who lives in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. “In a day and age when heroes like Caitlin Jenner are breaking down barriers for transgender people, we cross-dressers continue to find our favorite coordinates and our essential mix-and-match outfits completely mis-sized for us.” More.
Saying he should have gone along with the state legislature last year and signed the bill decriminalizing personal possession of marijuana, West Dakota Governor Cody Stevens pardoned himself after he was arrested last night for possession of the illegal substance. “I realize it was a mistake that I didn’t sign the bill that both houses of our legislature passed,” Stevens said as he signed an official Governor’s pardon, which lets him go free and clear from his drug arrest. “I still believe pot is a gateway drug that ensnares our children and ruins families, but deep inside I also believe that some people can use it responsibly, and had I signed last year’s “Responsible Possession of Marijuana Act,” I wouldn’t have gotten arrested and set a bad example for our kids.” More.
AKRON, Ohio—Touring a wire coat hanger factory in what was once a blighted industrial area here, President Barack Obama said the United States is returning to its roots as a manufacturing giant and he took a stab at critics who say the country risks losing more manufacturing jobs if a Trans-Pacific Partnership trade deal is passed. “Like this wire coat hanger I have in my hand, the United States is strong,” Obama said, speaking before the 75 employees of the Ace Wire Company. “Anyone who needs evidence that the United States can compete with anyone in the world just needs to look at the factory floor that surrounds me. Every day, more than 10,000 coat hangers are made here and distributed to dry cleaners and hotels throughout the United States and throughout the world. America is back!” More.
Ultra hard-righter Ayn Rand, one of the most influential voices in American politics in the last 50 years, was a nobody until a cabal of Canadian expatriates made her a star in a quest to destablize the United States so that Canada could gain a geo-political edge over its southern neighbor, according to a blockbuster book released yesterday. “People think of Canada as this quiet, do-gooder country that goes the extra mile to get along with its much bigger neighbor,” says Samuel Harper, a political science professor at Harvard University’s Kennedy School of Government. Harper is author of Ayn Rand Conspiracy: How Canada Unleashed the World’s Kookiest Political Philosopher on an Unsuspecting United States (Basic Books: 2014), which landed on the New York Times bestseller list upon its debut. More.
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), the Canadian born firebrand of conservative politics, is a favorite of many Republicans, thanks to his strong social and fiscal conservatism, but, as a very scary man, he will never be elected president of the United States. “I like Sen. Cruz in the same way that I like movies about self-hating megalomaniacs, but I could never vote for him as president,” says Dave Laver, a Republican in Ohio, a key swing state. Cruz was very much a liberal in his youth, say people who knew him, and he was scary back then, too, but he applied his scariness in a liberal rather than conservative direction. More.
Trent Sanders says he had no idea the world was filled with other people like him until someone pointed it out after he had been driving around town with music blasting out of his car. “It was like a light went off in my head,” says Sanders, 25. “I was just driving around like I always do and while I was sitting at a stop light this guy pulled up next to me, rolled down his window, and yelled, ‘Other people live in this world, asshole! Not everyone wants to listen to your f**ing music!’ Then the light turned green and he peeled off. And I just sat there, stunned.” Sanders says he just automatically assumed he was the only person in the world, which is why he thought it was perfectly okay for him to blast his music while he drives around. “Did I know other people were driving around, too, some trying to listen to their own music? I confess, I did not.” More.
Among the earth-shattering revelations coming out of the recently discovered “Addendum of the Pentateuch,” also known as the “Moses Addendum” or “New Book of Moses,” is the discovery of rocky relations between Adam and Eve. Eve, the mysterious book makes clear, “had it up to here” with Adam’s constant whining about sex and his insistence on being “experimental” rather than just plain-vanilla when it comes to their connubial relations. “You are worse than the serpent who had me, by false testimony, eat of the tree to the anger of the Lord,” Eve is quoted as saying in the book. “The Lord has given me the headache, but you are giving me the pain.” “We’re all familiar with this story, eh?” said Boris Neuberger, a theologian with the Oxford Seminary in London, where the book, discovered buried in an ancient ravine on Mount Sinai in Egypt, is being analyzed. More.
Thousands of families in cities across the United States today thanked the National Rifle Association for instilling a culture of fear throughout America with its demonization of anyone who talks about regulations to keep automatic weapons out of the hands of criminals and people with a history of mental illness. “It’s with our deepest gratitude that we, families of America, extend our thanks to the National Rifle Association for everything it has done to create ‘communities of fear’ across our great country,” the families said in a statement released today. “Thanks to its resolute stand that families like ours should take our security in our own hands, whether by hiring private security guards or keeping guns under our pillow at night, we live in a growing state of fear and distrust. And that’s something the NRA deserves credit for.” More.