Journey Rated ‘Coolest Band of 2015’

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You might have thought nothing but a trip down memory lane awaits legendary pop-rock band Journey, whose radio staples like “Lights” and “Wheel in the Sky” provided the soundtrack to today’s forty- and fifty-somethings’ early adult years. But if you thought that you would be wrong. Because WBIG in Cleveland has just released the results of its listener poll and found that Journey is the “It” band for 2015, proving that time isn’t a factor for bands that are forever cool.

“It was a ‘rock-us’ competition, but our listeners left little doubt who rocks their world,” says WBIG Program Director Rex Bartlett. “Our winner got quite a bit of heat from ABBA, Styx, and Kansas, but when the dust settled, it was Journey all the way!”

The band released its 14th studio album, in 2011, which rocketed to 13th on the Billboard charts.

Journey’s time on the main stage is typically thought of as the 20-year stretch from about 1978 to 1998, when sultry-voiced Steve Perry was lead vocalist. With Perry belting out the tunes, the band saw itself at the top of the charts multiple times.”Lights,” “Wheel in the Sky,” and “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin'” were among the band’s smash hits.

EclipseBut the band has been enjoying the spotlight again in recent months, partcularly with long-time lead guitarist Neil Schon marrying Michaele Salahi, the famous “White House party crasher” along with her then-husband Tareq Salahi.

The band is now touring once again, with another sultry-voiced singer, Arnel Pireda, handling lead vocals.

“We think we’re at the top of our form and we love our fans everywhere, and especially in Cleveland,” says Schon. “Thanks for keeping us in your hearts!”

“Journey was there at all of my most memorable moments,” says Stacey Fleener, 49, a clerk at Target in Cleveland. “I confess I might have voted more than once in the WBIG poll, but I know Journey would have won anyway, because they’re like gods.”

“What’s really exciting is we’re seeing a whole new generation of listeners getting into our music,” says Jonathan Cain, the band’s long-time rhythm guitarist. “We see multiple generations at our shows now. It’s a little freaky in its way, because it reminds you that time is moving on. But it’s wonderful too. It’s funny how a lot of people still think Steve is singing for us, so Arnel is getting a lot of underwear thrown his way even though it’s not really intended for him! But that just shows you what a great singer he is.”

What’s next for the ageless pop-rock kings? “We’re totally on a roll and we intend to keep rockin’ our listeners’ world for as long as we can,” says Schon. “I hear there’s a coolest-band poll in St. Paul going on. Here’s my message to fans in that area: ‘We love you! And don’t forget to vote for us!”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously.

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