Tanning Salon, Other Businesses Grab ‘Redskins’ Name Now That Trademark Protection Gone

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Want to turn your skin orange? Go to Redskins

Now that the U.S. Patent and Trade Office (USPTO) has stripped the Redskins football team of trademark protection because the term is considered a racial slur, scores of businesses have grabbed the famous name.

“I know it’s a terrible word and I myself don’t harbor a racist bone in my body, but because I own a business that turns your skin orange, I knew I needed the Redskins name as soon as it became available,” says Graham Little, owner of Redskins Tanning Salon in Dallas. “Get your orange skin at Redskins. As you can see, the marketing potential is enormous, especially here in Dallas, where orange skin is the mark of a wealthy woman.”

Redskins Radiation Partners is the new name of Culver Radiation Partners in Orlando, a switch managing partner Jeff Reed made after hearing the trademark news. “Who can remember ‘Culver’?” says Reed. “I sometimes have to look at my own company credit card to remember what the hell we’re called. But with ‘Redskins,’ I never forget who we are and I’m banking on our customers not forgetting who we are, either.”

Other companies to grab the Redskins name include Redskins Bikinis, The Redskins Dermatology Group, and Flash, a wireless headset company, that will use the Redskin name for an implantable wireless receiver the company is releasing soon. “We weren’t going to make an announcement about our innovative implantable wireless technology yet, but we accelerated our timing to take advantage of the unexpected availability of the Redskins name, which we’ve long wanted to get our hands on.” says Flash COO Bill Anderson. “With our new implantable technology, you can have a receiver implanted on your wrist or wherever you want it and do away with our bluetooth device altogether. The idea is you become the receiver. I’ll be the first Redskin in the United States once we roll out the technology later this year.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: msw (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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